Cows are rehearsing
Their lives by eating.
—Kenneth
Koch
Last night I was craving
Boston baked beans and
pumpkin seeds. I was
destined to live in Boston—
eating ‘baked beans’ until
parched—each day of
camp. Now a can of
cashews, half-eaten
again. And a tube
of lipstick. Trying
every Ben & Jerry’s
flavor that has a hint
of caramel or peanut
butter in it (which is
almost all of them?
except red velvet
cake, which I get
anyway, and WOW!).
Having lost 7 pounds
in less than 2 weeks.
Giving in to Dev
months after Otto’s
hard sell. Realizing
our (my) odd aversion
to change. But I love
change. Walk around
aware of this bundle
of conflict, this body
as bundle, conflict.
So hard to get back
‘up to speed’ – so
old? Loving my
age (22, 33, 44,...).
It’s not so hectic
today, just manic,
a maniacal simp-
licity? My lips
too dry. My
new favorite
songs. A pair
of harps. One
for my hands
and one for
my mouth.