anachronizms

mdlxxxv

2012-02-13T18:21:00.000-08:00

Retreat!

Because Bush won the erection?

mdlxxxiv

2012-02-12T17:46:00.000-08:00

BTW

Retreat! Get myselftogether is a more

comprehensive life list. That is what

6 reasons I am depressed is for. I have

no morals? Because Imay be a boyfriend?

Anyway, I’m boring. Who doesn’t have the

freedom he wants because he weighs too

much? Because hestill loves haters? Be-

cause he got high last weekend and started

calling old flames (to go out drinking or

whatever because I downloaded way too much

poet)? Because I am alousy goal? Who isn’t?

Because winning the election cannot reach his

goals? Because nomotivation to get out of the

city? Because hewants a massage? Who isn’t?

mdlxxxiii

2012-02-11T15:28:00.000-08:00

A Cirrus Clown

Time, corrosive time. On the

airplane of love. With an

envelope. It’s an oldhouse

of pills. Time,explosive

time. Event unnecessary.

Burgeoning spirit. Sync

in progress. Acloudful

of unbalanced nectar.

Of unenveloped loam.

A beautiful rainy day

full of go home and

Arafat dead. Walk

up the hill and write.

9:05am. The pen-

ultimate chapter

of Stevens. It’s

not a strike now.

Triple latté dis-

infectant.

mdlxxxii

2012-02-09T10:45:00.000-08:00

So As Not To

Repitition. Thor atea

whole box of Pop Tarts

and was still hungry.

I used to do that.

mdlxxxi

2012-02-08T02:26:00.000-08:00

We are easy.

hormonal convergence

—Erika Staiti

Me on the battlefield definitely

killing. You can kissme. I

brushed my teeth. Classic crest.

But what you can’t see is my

glass of milk. On (orslightly

after) Mother’s Day. At the

exact location of electricity.

It’s symptomatic of what’s

going on. I went one time

to buy a little thingof goat

cheese. The crackers them-

selves werefour-fifty. It’s

ridiculous.

I’ll go without.

mdlxxx

2012-02-07T17:44:00.000-08:00

A surly hover.

Art from Rosencrantz. Harold the

tribune. Jesus ofcombinations.

Jesus of gaol. Something to

get me excited, to look at

job options, Japanese or

Chinese, do something to

meet new people, simply

plan a trip. Probablynot

the best idea, like a condo.

How to approach REALIST.

A tic above any and all, falling

over myself doing it (ART). The

ART the ART the ART. What is it?

How is Bill? All thisNew York School

stuff (How is Brainard? How is Padgett?).

Keep delving seven-something years. What

is it over our faces? Death? Being a writer?

Aware, written all over our reconcile, go home,

could come tomorrow. And write nothing better,

this beautiful rainy day. Very rainy (like Raney,

on my father’s mother’s side). A very hard rain.

mdlxxix

2012-02-05T11:29:00.000-08:00

Import Mail andContacts (NEW!)

Your Fun Is a Snob

—a Kenneth Koch poem title

Also, If you misssomeone that’s in heaven,

put this as your status. But somehow wrap it in

hearts and double lines. I keep meaning to change

my picture (averaging a loss of 1.5 friends per day).

I look at other guys sometimes. Are they not worth

it?

Also, thank you for this week’s issue (lying atop my

laptop this morning). My favorite word on the cover

is INEPTITUDE. But also DISASTER.

None are sacrificial or spousal problems. I worry about

my age in relation to death. Something is certainly up.

I don’t worry worry worry (like this probablysounds).

mdlxxviii

2012-02-04T19:33:00.000-08:00

Weepy Winter

Spring blows Summer.

Fall to Tears (aka The

One with the Real Issues).

mdlxxvii

2012-02-03T08:13:00.001-08:00

Are we exertions ofeach other?

The red lobes of anangel—splitting

at the seams. Anangry cloud that floats

just above the Tenderloin. Ready to lay an

egg. Ready to flummoxthe rutabagas (In

both senses alsocalled Swede, Swedish

turnip.). What to do with the rotten

mouth. Probably morethan just

natural evolution. Who knows?

But...to deal with it appropriately.

How to keep from freedom (tendon?

boredom?)? The answers are all

nocturnal. Are weexertions

of each other, after all?

mdlxxvi

2012-02-02T20:35:00.000-08:00

Morning. Not disaster.

With grey eyes full of adulthood

and laziness and Facebook in the

off position. Shards sphincter the

air. I’m forever burned on Judas

now. Thanks.

The bananas goneflesh. Come a

star, leave a portmanteau.

mdlxxv

2012-02-01T10:17:00.000-08:00

Or to create a new narrative from a series of 6-year old

pictures? With redwine (quite vintage from this vantage

point)? I worry abouta relationship not in my native

language. I feel veryold. I wonder how to keep it.

This is the kind of entertainment we provide. A surface

under the stars. It feels old. I had it in me to go into

further details. Tomarket. Seems a hard word. Con-

notes imprisonment. My sexuality has been different,

lately. It meansnothing. Congratulations. I’ve felt

horniness, porn, white bisexual with girls, and mas-

turbate. I’ve beenless than intense and not easily

aroused. Orange. Which is very odd.

Go to sleep.

mdlxxiv

2012-01-31T03:19:00.000-08:00

Have you tried roleplay?

I have tried role play. [See attached document.]

But borders do not exist.

mdlxxiii

2012-01-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

I tried

A word twists backward

peeling its skin up over its face

—Michael Palmer

Editing is perfectinga mask.

mdlxxii

2012-01-28T09:33:00.000-08:00

The rain that writesETCETERA on our face

—Hugo Claus

Does reading about yoga,count? I am not a

sphincter.

Hello. No rain today.

To know what it’s liketo be sprayed dead by a look.

—Cynthia Arrieu-King

mdlxxi

2012-01-27T06:43:00.000-08:00

On this page I see how you grewup

and am surprised. Every day now I

go back to this page. Sometimes we

grow up and sometimes our mouths

wrinkle and smudge. I don’t really

get anything from it. Sometimes

we fly into the hands of another

pair of pants. These are good times.

Most all of them. Sometimes we

lash out like children. It’s important

like shampoo. Sometimes we lash out

at our children. Our suppressed hope

is they remember this. And not just in

flashbacks. Sometimes we spread

fairy dust in neverland. We go

back to the kids we cheated

ourselves from. We are

not evolve. We are not

anarchy, kidding ourselves

with happiness. We are. And

always hopefully love. And

measuring our height in

elementary school. And

being okay, better than

ever, smudgy, some

scales and hunched

back. Sitting in our

living room at the

kid table with fish

eyes – not even having

to wish wise.

mdlxx

2012-01-26T10:55:00.000-08:00

You can’t eradicate words meaning violence.

In fact, that would be defeat. Right? Well,

I should be heartened. Take the pink from

heart. Try putting aheart into that thing

pumping inside your gut. There are

issues. It fitsnicely into a CD sleeve,

however. Or red. Or the after-effects of

Friday that he wants me to tackle. Am I

pathetic? This isnice. I should be. Yes-

terday was nice. Iwant to go home and

go to bed. And beheartened without

being a heartattack.

mdlxix

2012-01-25T04:58:00.000-08:00

Facebook finally paysoff!

—Cedar Sigo

Can you send me IMG_3851? I want to include it

in this poem. I willpay and you will find me

ardently negotiable.

I notice that your friends are starting to mix with

my friends. Thisbrings judgmental to a whole nother

level. I notice thisbefore call Larry and laundry.

Do you think that’s really his name? My friend Chin

(same age) just legally changed his name to Matt. In

Japan.

mdlxviii

2012-01-24T12:30:00.001-08:00

The very fallen streetof nuts?

—Kenneth Koch

mdlxvii

2012-01-17T10:27:00.000-08:00

My young wood that Ioverwinter

—Hugo Claus

mdlxvi

2012-01-16T13:19:00.001-08:00

our tentacles swayingwith excitement

—Juliana Spahr

mdlxv

2012-01-15T08:27:00.000-08:00

In less than 15 years, “the US has gone

from producing around 300 to close to

4000 MFAs per year.” This message

by way of Juliana Spahr.

If you go hard yougotta get on the floor.

J Lo, my reasons for doing this are obvious,

don’t you think? I goout of my way to

expose my blemishes—but this (his-

torically) is unintentional self-deprecation.

Subsequently, massive amounts of code-

word BOYFRIEND get relegated to the

ether. And massiveamounts of codeword

LEATHER. “We keptgetting caught in

complication” (Spahr). More emotion.

Less crank. Coolly,we sip our lemonade.

mdlxiv

2012-01-14T12:01:00.000-08:00

I had every intention of telling it slant. Or

fears about doing otherwise and my endless

reasons for ever bringing it on. P.S. Ithink

cornbread automatically disqualifies me.

Everybody knows I’m amotherf**kin’ monster.

Kanye, my reason for doing it (he says constantly) is

I feel crappy. Andmaybe I’ll go home early.

And talking lots via IM today. Drop it drop it.

Well, I should anyway. First things first,

he wants us to go to couples counseling. Nick,

Yuki, Larry, Shah, and Otto’s car, which I

haven’t even seen yet. We have whiplash,

or one of the healthiest relationships ever.

Which—well—if not amusing & irritating

& cute all at once it’s like—but—what’s our problem?

mdlxiii

2012-01-13T07:14:00.000-08:00

Funny you shouldmention poetry. I have heard of it.

Alright. Happenmore. I’m also predisposed to leak.

Or leakage. Hi fromGaylord. Reading Cynthia’s

Lake Systems. Itching to wash the dishes (an

allusion to a pipe dream). Have you heard of me?

I’m not knowing what much to think, fuzzy-headed

about his not telling his parents. I feel crappy. The

right word is probably sketchy. What’s for lunch?

mdlxii

2012-01-12T09:29:00.000-08:00

He seemeddifferent. More mature.

Veer right at the “Big Quarters” sign.

Talk. Impress. He is almost...wretched.

Not happy, but hanging on to this optimism.

I’ll think more of who returns from Salinas

from here on out. Butfirst, a Purple Rain

party with Peaches Christ. I had it in me to

go further with it, the details of my experience,

these words. Butthink nothing of it. What

makes this happen? Aream of nothing.

A chain-link fence for ghosts.

mdlxi

2012-01-11T19:49:00.000-08:00

Why worry losing it?

Even though he seemed different

I have earned evolving. I’m so

chummy with the complexity

of barebacking in this idealistic

world where I am so in love.

mdlx

2012-01-07T22:07:00.000-08:00

I am not intended tobe a factual statement.

Wait! My luck isrunning out too fast

or something about a mid-career crisis.

One hubby is Asia. I intended for my

financial statement to be included

in the file. Butthere are no finances.

The weather is a Subaru, which is an

homage to homages. Iaccidentally

allowed for easy decoding. This is

eloquently inappropriate. This is

has been. We engagein public

discourse before anal intercourse.

Which makes the paparazzi smirk.

I wish no more than for a long,

fulfilling, utterly skeptical life.

mdlix

2012-01-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

Why would someone dyetheir dog blue?

Sorry, Jordan, for stealing your update. I left

two hundred dollars in the ATM at Walgreen’s

and totally got credited for the entire two hundred!

All I had to do was ask. And not die of embarrassment.

I wish nothing more than to get boned. To move on.

And that’s not putting it eloquently or appropriately,

is it? What can I doto keep this? I’m okay. I’m

seasoned. I have tobe so worried to think with

someone else. That’spart of my mechanism

with exes. Exes andohs. I do believe my

life is not a flash in the pan. A total of only

twenty dollars. Along, happy, utterly

fulfilling life to get skeptical about. To

get boned, bored, and grow a beard.

mdlviii

2012-01-05T12:18:00.000-08:00

But yet they do notsell them at Walgreen’s

I do believe my life is not just flash in the pan

dates with whom I’m still chummy. Nor hours

spent dancing. Thecomplexity of life wants

a better analysis. Iside, however, with the

birds (and their quiet squeals), in a New York

state of mind. I’mstarting to think in fives.

I’m liking thinking in fives. And Wells Fargo

bank transaction records (in a New York

state of mind). Istill want him happy. What

does that mean in this idealistic world where I’m

SO in love and monogamous with someone else?

Who gets jealous of all this...this complexity?

Certainly not the U.S. Postal Service. But

where would a long line be so friendly [insert

missing joke]? I wishnothing more than

utterly fulfilling. Skeptical? Of course!

It’s in his every nature (and mine)! To

grow a beard that’s not putting out. Like

floating in boredom, but eloquently.

mdlvii

2012-01-04T01:32:00.000-08:00

Congratulations! You are eligible to receive.

I think it’s just the after-effects. Am I sipping

Sierra Mist? Was Idoing same at Starbucks

at 7:30 this morning?

The birds squeal quietly. I’m feeling. Not at

panic. Justexceedingly. Is it hyperbole to go

on and on? Part of itis dancing,

sure, and the open morning. Morning’s

openness (my throat is empty to not

destroy it). That’s areally cute

necktie. My mind isan ass. No drip,

severe congestion.

mdlvi

2012-01-03T17:33:00.000-08:00

Overtuning the Tuna

O is the color of this name

—Michael Palmer

Forgive my misreading til hell breaks loose. Or til

hedgehog the lawn. Morning is broken; the buzzards

are loose. A page issitting next to a bin. But seriously

the tweets are fine and all that. I’ll have lunch with him

tomorrow. The fact isI’m a little guilty-ish, feeling

distant (distinct?) from those folks, because he wanted

someone who would listen to him (obviously).

Much due to this new phase. This tree’s a fist without a

word. When they seemto want to spend time, to want to

listen. And I’mreading in bed. Eileen’s angels with

pokers for trumpets. An interview with sizzle; nobody

says much. Halloweenis a success. Good. Exhausting.

Pretentious. Everything in a hurry, like Armageddon.

Here I am at Chevy’s (obviously). Doing

Team America (didI see this at 7:30 this morning?).

Is the article I read going to be by Peter Sellars,

giving me a big hug on Friday night? He did he did!

The juxtaposition of Artaud’s & June Jordan’s texts

was harsh. The guywho played Artaud was incredible.

Will I wake up happy tomorrow? Wednesday? I’m

all so well put together, wondering at assuming,

and very much in hyperbole. Going on about how

exceedingly. The happiest feeling by Ron Silliman.

mdlv

2011-12-28T14:08:00.001-08:00

None of the Above

Wow! Maybe his voiceon the other side.

In a developing relationship. If it’s still

happening. With afellow named Justin.

Don’t think too deep on this or you’ll

sneeze. Magicallyblow away. It’s a

case of the blond Octobers. At

1:44am, pop all your fingers and

promise the police I won’t fall asleep.

Did you want to play cards? At

night it’s like nothing happens.

mdliv

2011-12-27T18:10:00.001-08:00

All of the Above

I used to shampoo with a bar of Ivory every morning.

The lighter with the black panther with a yellow-green

snake wrapped around it is acting up. A “talented and

versatile” Bay Area actress dies after “an accidental

plunge from a fire escape.” I plan to read aplenty.

Tonight alone I’ve finished three books. Bat latté.

Just no oomph. Ihaven’t tried the red stuff yet.

Ready for a shower, though. Is it because I had

lunch with Jamine at Pakwan’s today? Or sweets

on Sunday? Or thedonut before Otto’s dinner

last night? Becausenow I have so much more

muscle from running. And waiting for a text

from Row. Who knows,etc.? I just don’t

like it. Starvingmyself on some guy with

huge, curly, rockstar hair; I’d think he was

a big woman if I didn’t hear his voice on

the other side. Again, who knows? Then

there was the woman (deaf?) who kept

not hearing her absurdly loud cellphone

blaring some (equally absurd) tune on the table.

mdliii

2011-12-24T04:44:00.001-08:00

Cat Mist Tastes Funny

What if everythinggets dreadfully redundant

and/or boring? – aperfunctory echo I’ve mis-

treated while refusing to meet friends for cocktails.

Five years later I’m looking at pictures from Boston.

The city grew by erection. I repeat the part about Sunday.

It’s Sunday. It’s sixin the morning.

“Reach in my chest and massage my heart.

I am not dead.”

—James Schuyler

I ran after work, rather than in the middle of it. Otto cooked a

cloud for the rest of the week. The apartment is done, like the

rest of the day; a Vitamin Water in the sink. Kenneth Koch’s

glasses are upside down but the sun is almost up. The ring

in my ears is a reverie of birds. Or a flight returning from

Hawaii.

I feel lazy without my voice. The ring swarms my ears. Am I

maybe a fossil? Kevy’s posting sick links. Lanford Wilson

passed away; a soft spot in my heart for living his elderly

priest in Angels Fallat 21 years of age.

Hopped a trolley, reading uphill. Had lunch with Nick

at our Chinese place on Kearny and it turns out he had a

romantic date on Friday night. He kept saying it was surreal.

Goodbye Chinese restaurant on Kearny. With all the ugly

fish in the window. Goodbye childhood, so to speak. Iget a

haircut. A reminderof the 80s (as told by the 90s). She chopped

one sideburn off and left the other. It’s okay, though. I’m the
devil for Halloween.