To All the
Boys I’ve Loved...Before
I’m sorry to go all Jack Nicholson
and Arnold Schwarzenegger
on your ass, but I’ll be baaack!
And now that I’m baaaack!
Might you kindly spit up all of
my missing pieces and just
walk away? Oh, Doctor
Frankenstein, please
make me your lovely
bride. It’s not just that
I so love electric hair —
and oh! the spasmodic
electric dance! — but it
seems as though I’ve
lost so many pieces.
Sure, it’s been a long-
ish and wonderful(ish) ex-
istence. But Alice has
disappeared completel.
And all the king’s horses
and all of his dashing
men…well…. Try as
I might (and sometimes
I do try mightily), I could
not bring one of them to cum
to even the brinkiest of a brink
of a proposal (those bastards!).
