mmccxlvii

The Embarrassment

he tried to take it
all in stride, the
embarrassment.
he had even lived
like a country that
could afford too lit-
tle too late.  but the
cinematic sirens.  the
sirens they plunged his
eyeballs. i nto his eye-
balls they plunged.  and
out poured a very large
sea, which all called the
ocean.  and all the while,
eons, the embarrassment
kept trying to get up, but
inside, the embarrassment
was filled with embarrass-
ment, and even more such
pathetic and horrible tor-
ments.  and outside, the
sea, which some call the
ocean.  the ocean of no
feeling.  the ocean of
pleas, or, for some,
the ocean of please.
but to each eye
that sees, to
each eye that
sees, the ocean,
the ocean, the ocean.

mmccxlvi

Purple Tulips

I know

they

aren’t

your

favorite.

But then

again,

neither

was I.

mmccxlv

is this the only thing?

          “...it’s the year where I keep crying or almost crying,

          I feel like a bad actor laughing at my own joke...”

                                                                           —Stephanie Young

fortunately,

however,

there are

so very

many

comedians.

comedic

as that

might

have

been,

however,

there

isn’t

very

much

fortune.

mmccxliv

is this the only thing that i do?

i don’t mind
growing up

but what if i
change my

mind?  will
it be like this

forever?
the sun

shone
down

through
all of the

radar ranges
and onto

the bulimic
flagposts.

was this
too much

to absorb?
thought

the dying 

heretic.

mmccxliii

homage to the little boy in the

emergency room waiting area

...

...

...

but i write

...

that’s

just what i do

mmccxlii

a cento of love
full of augmentation
isn’t what she said or wrote
           it was argumentation

but i am allowed to change
the argument to slap it in its
face before he walks out of the
cento of love forever or never

to be seen again
what’s so important about
the centers of love are not the
fireworks nor the varying sounds

of the fireworks on the third or
the fourth of whatever month
of whatever country hospital
your dad isn’t breathing well in

inside of whatever hospital isn’t 

what she said either it’s just MY 

center of love she argued as she
wrote the word over and over again

     with much gratitude to stephanie young

mmccxli

being a fool

surrounded

by fools i am

silenced by

wisdom

it must be

wise i think

but it’s not me

it’s the mariachi

band through

the broken

window

i woke

up under

i didn’t

wake up

the mari
achi band

must be

the only

act of

generosity

that i can

notice

were it

a wise

band

surely

i would

surely

i would

never

have

crept

away

from

that

dream

mmccxl

Did you want me to ingest this?

“Stop talking about porn,”
I entreat, “& start talking
about yr cigarette. !”  Or
that’s what I said I said,

and I didn’t just get this
from the voice.  “It’s just
my viscous eye,” he texts,
right back at me, always

pretty good like that.
Along with “Just look up
the word zodiac.”  You
know, as if that would

figure everything out.
And that’s me, here,
like usual, just trying
to do that one little

thing, just trying to
figure everything
out, right?  Like why
she’s flying through

the air across Market
Street.  “It’s not the
voice, you idiot!”  says
the voice.  “It’s one of

those unfair treats that
come to get served on
happiest occasions.”
A treat.  Come along.

Just for me.  And
just for you.  We
both breathe to-
gether at that one.

mmccxxxix

the harder i think about it,
privacy is, well, you tell me,
i’d love to hear, cuz i only ever
think of the one reason. sure,
we’ve each and all got some-
thing of a duplicitous nature.
i blame culture (inasmuch
as, you know), and go look-
ing for the interesting stuff,
how a person or a people
got to this point. or why.
it often starts to be logical.
but pretty? well, i guess
we all want to be pretty.
i know i do. so why do i
wake up every morning,

get myself looking some-
thing like myself, and
walk out actually con-
centrating on being
whoever woke up,
same ol’ me, just
showered & cost-
umed up. i sure
look pretty (or
pretty sad), and,
as far as I can tell
(or attempt to tell),
i still look pretty
much like myself.
i’m a gemini, so i
never dwell too long
on one moment, which
is always different from
the next. me. not me.

probably about as fast
as I can get the word me
out of my mouth (not the
best place for me, by the
way), the consistency in the
inconsistence, it’s fun,
as I often persist to insist,
while feeling like else
but loving like me,
which is always pretty—
and surely, more often
than not, pretty much
looks and feels like me—
for which i’m glad, i ask my
self most nights, right to sleep.

mmccxxxviii

I distrust Halloween, as if people weren’t costumed already
                                                                —Anselm Berrigan

The privacy
of the stupid
is all fine and
dandy in terms
of, you know,
evolution. Ex-
cept, you know,
stupid people
are simply not
private.  So
I think, tonight,
that rather than
go as Divine,
I’ll just don
my lucky Dick
Nixon face.

Cuz, you know.

mmccxxxvii

To be is to have been and intending to be. 

                                       —Etel Adnan

u’ve been in here
4ever, haven’t u,
Olive?  Zero?  O?

since the day
the jacks jumped
out of their boxes

thru anydays
when i wd
accident, tell u

what’s in the
bOX (u weren’t
supposed to no).

yes those kinds
of everydays.
esp. the 1’s where

we’re dressed
to the 9’s. like
u always r.

and why shouldn’t
u b, my Olive,
my Zero?  drawing

ever nearer, of
course; ever clearer
...?  but where,

dear Zero?  not
nowhere.  but
where o where

o where o where?
...why surely there.
so closest to here.

as among us as
Italy’s perfectest
pigeons, our

dappled most
dapperest hero, our
dearest-dearest Zero.

mmccxxxvi

I have a sincere desire to change
                  —Stephanie Young

Three-wheeled baby.
Man, this is gonna
burn.  Man, this is
gonna be good.  The

heater kicks in.  The
heater kicks out.
200 mints and the
world keeps starving;
keeps on keepin’ on.

Tick to the tock.
Tooth to the shark.

                                Understand,
there’s a miniature boot on a keychain
pointed at my head.
Just keep walking.
                             —Stephanie Young

mmccxxxv

what was he

    a hyena hitherto?

but for the sound

of the will o’ the wisp

blowin’ against a

dead mad wind,

and our footsteps

tramplin’ the

midnight leaves

of the deepdark forest

   ...ah, there he was,

an elfin heaven!

mmccxxxiv

As far as I can tell,
the only book I
ever stole was
from the Boston
Public Library
(stamped due
May 04 1998).
It was Your
Native Land,
Your Life by
Adrienne Rich.

mmccxxxiii

Coco
is
throw-
ing up.

You’re
gone.

mmccxxxii

California woman dies with kitten in lap

                                      —SFGate.com headline

17 locals who should be in wax museum

                                      —SFGate.com headline

mmccxxxi

give me
1 moment
in time &
i’ll give u
a couple
dozen.

mmccxxx

20th century

pop chart

+

shaggy of

scooby

_______________

so long

casey kasem

mmccxxix

whilst

this stretch
just breath
and sigh
wondering
how long
before
no longer
just while
or whiling.

mmccxxviii

this stretch is

just breathing

and sighing.  i

keep wonder

ing how long

before the

next big

push.

this stretch

just breath

and sigh

wondering

how long

before the

next big

promise.

while

away

time

whilst

eating.

mmccxxvii

my lap
top wd
not boot
up this
morning.
setting up
review mtgs
having just
arrived from
gym.  ordered...
does this say
here ordered
courtesy?  i
read boring
this last few
years but
particularly?
is it just me
or is my
scribble
particularly?
back to my
laptop is
top of my
to do
since
i have
a dot
com
on
Mon
day.

mmccxxvi

“Sorry, I’m word this morning.”

Word from Everyman.  Word.

mmccxxv

sad songs.
loud and sad.
to wake u up.
not just on
Monday. not
only on the
weekend.
this is called
why in the
hell do u
wanna
crank out
an over
wrought
round of
sad super
sad sad
songs
     every
   single
  morning?

mmccxxiv

Friday morning,
my blue iFood
(thanks, Otto)
sits steaming
next to a red
notebook re
charging