mmxviii

Um, ok, too.

“I’m not
sleeping,
I’m just
resting my eyes”

has come to

“I didn’t roll
my eyes, I
just opened
them widely.”

Okay. Fine.

So today I
will work
on for.  To
morrow against.

mmxvii

Um, ok.

With blackberry fruitiness
and a chocolaty mouth-
feel, he whispered “Please
sit, so that I can give you

blow job.”  It was a demand.
Del Cross, tender man massage.
Del Cross, you are receiving
this email because you have

subscribed to full or trial
access to one of our paysites
on Thursday, June 13th.
MassageBait – Gay Guys

Massaging Straight Men
For Sex.  MassageBait
offers straight men a
great way to explore

their sexuality.  I
guess I guess I
guess.  Or I’m
guessing.  But

I’m not voting.
I wouldn’t know
what I was voting
for or against.

mmxvi½

Jphega s===== equals John Asheberry

This is never to be spoken again.
This is hush hush.

Hu-u-u-u-ush.

mmxvi

It was a day like any other, torn from the register.
                                           —Jphja s=====

But what I have here is.  Oh well.  The fan.  I’d
say I want a mint julep with that.  And I will.
Say it, that is.  I say a lot of things.  Especially
on days like today.  I

wake up, it’s a new generation.  Meaning
everyone in this generation took everyone
in that generation soooo seriously.
Which is 2 true.

mmxv

Wendy Pepper Is An Apple Cider

This was just so retro,
and therefore and also,
this was just so meta:
enfolding, as it always does, over
(and seeping into) the marginal.
It was the new way of writing
(or something to that effect)
and no one was going to stop her now
that it had exploded so...
thusly.....
Endward and forever, thought Edward.
Until the archeologists
dust off their fans,
each and all awaiting agape and akimbo,
at outposts numbered 1, 2, 3, &c.,
and various other locations
within the boundaries
of the suspects:
Leaking Desert #8, Leaking Desert #27, Leaking Desert #&c.

mmxiv

                             Otherwise we’d only have
looking forward to look forward to.
                                                  —John Ashbery

In 2014, I’m in a really nice, mellow mood
watching the dogwalkers on Russian Hill
and reflecting on my doctor’s meeting,
his comment – But you seem to be man-
aging it so well! – and realizing, with
some joy, that he could have been
referring to anything.

I walk in the rain with Otto this morning,
his big umbrella that used to be mine, but
today we share it – over both of us.

How long have I lived in this singular spot?  Be-
sides home, in Hometown, which was
sixteen odd years.  Curran and I live
on O’Farrell Street, across from the
Kaiser Hospital emergency room entrance;
and this for nearly two whole years.
So that must be the new record.

mmxiii

It Has Been Just the Craziest Time!

He sort of folded over when he said
it, his big grin disappearing into the
fold.  When he came to, but only
for a moment, he slurred “Recovery
is going to be so much fun!  I’m
making an art project out of it!”

mmxii

It’s Been Too Long

Where to begin?  I had to throw the
saucepan away.  Overboiling.

The new routines are working okay.
But I really need to start getting myself

somewhere else.  My list gets check-
marks, like, tons.  But who rocks

my world now?  There was one long
body, the other day, people like

Anne Waldman.  I was trying to
remember backhanded compliment

and all I could remember was hand.
We went to bed all alone last night

and it was so pleasant.  Nobody to 

tackle.  Nothing to do but sleep.

mmxi

The people who know me
know that I have clicked
fourteen times on this link.
To click a link is not caca
phony.  It is more like a
clang.  The clang of click
ing a link.

At breakfast I ate our
host’s link sausages.
Each and all, they
were quite delicious.

mmx

The Look of Love Is in Your Eyes

I dropped four eggs on the floor.
It was a new record.  And trust me,

I totally get why nobody has the
time to wait for me to finish a

sentence.  My generation is
dying, so there isn’t any time.

Also, time is money.
I have never prepared

bacon like this.  It’s
the kind that comes

in a square package.
In lots of (at least

seemingly) un
structured chunks.

mmix

Fear In Public

Let’s all get well soon,
okay?  I don’t think
anyone wrote that.
I mean I don’t even
think.  I mean.  (Sorry.)

I am pretty sure that
some of the things
that I type in this
box make my
aunt’s blood
pressure sky
rocket.

The pigeons
on the roof
are bathing.

The pigeons
on the roof
are sunbathing.

Maybe it’s just
me.  But one
can never be
too sure of

anything.

mmviii

Ryan has a tendency to get distracted when he smokes.

Decorate the boots at the end of this sentence.

mmvii

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

do u feel bad when the
truth hurts?  things get
tangled up a lot.  science
is sometimes as subjective

as the next guy.  summed
up, all of the lines in his
face equals the master
template of i am happy

and i feel sheer, even
giddy joy as he pumps his
long-time buddy’s
chest with an ice pick

over and over and
over and over and
over and over while
encamped at the base

of mauna loa.
forensic anthro
pology is the
study of the
lines in my
face.  in
summary,

who appears
in the souvenir
photograph
when every
thing else
has been
removed?

mmvi

and now for something...

i’m so sorry.  i’m so sorry.
i’m so sorry.  i’m so sorry.

i’m so sorry that it is imp-
ossible for me NOT to

apologize to you.  i’m so
headache headache

throw-up throw-up
bruise and scratch

and protection
from a broken

leg-bone head-bone
wrist-bone heart-bone

eye-bone ear-bone
bright white lights

of the city and i am
so so sorry.  good

bye alpha bravo
charlie i’m so

very sorry.  good
bye alpha.  good

bye bravo.  good
bye goodbye charlie.

goodbye
hawaiian airlines.

mmv

mmiv

yeh,
striving for a
stress-free
existence
is
pretty much
the goal.

mmiii

SPOOKY

sorry for yelling.  oh no.
did you really mean to ask
what is your daily word
count?  i should share
where i got that?  you
threw a party and only
one person showed up?
oh no.  i mean.  you
threw a party and
one person came.
woohoo!!??
or you just
threw up
?

mmii

I now remember who rocked my world in there.

It was your wonderful smile.  I’m not sure what

to do about that, though.

Besides, here in the box, the new routines are

at work; are probably working.  Let me pick up a

book to demonstrate (I show you).

I think my thumbs up.  The use of the word molly.

She was my great-grandmother and taught me

how to play dominoes and wa-hoo.

mmi

It Was Worth a Try (That Did Not Succeed)

What I’m trying to say here is that we can

easily talk about what we’re doing –

within what we’re doing. 

Maybe some of us not so easily.

The new routines.  While here.  Finished.

The same day?  Hello.  And I must.

Where we live.  Because of this morning’s

work gig.  Gym in forever.  Went home

yesterday, 5:30pm.  Take the day off

again.  Today I will concentrate.

Hello, mermaids are real!  I saw them on

Animal Planet.

mm

the music was boring and insightful

                                   —Joshua Beckman

Meaning takes on many different forms.  Like meaning-

less.  And meaninglessness.  Among other variants.  Let’s

say, for example, that I am two thousand years old and

am experiencing an anniversary of sorts.  To keep it from

being dull, I walk to my fellow anniversarent’s office.  It

gets very complicated, so I won’t go into that.  Let’s just

use the word awkward. 

Breathe in, eventually.  Sorry.

Saturday went kind of fast.  We had a reading with a

very nice voice.  There was a good presence.  Then

we messed around with our iPods, creating playing

lists, etc.  Then we stayed the night at a birthday

party.  We got the celebutante a princess purse 

(since it was a princess party) filled with

tickets to the circus.

I just got off the phone.  I don’t think he liked his

present.  

We all slept a bit on the floor, in sleeping

bags that were just purchased for the occasion.

And then Sunday morning we all walked home

in the mist, stopping three times along the way:

first, at Starbucks, of course; then, to watch

Prince Charles’ entourage head for the top of

Nob Hill (he and Camilla are in town,

apparently staying at the Four Seasons);

and lastly, to check out a tiny half a million 

dollar condo across the street from where

we live,

which is a peach of a place, much cheaper

than a half a million dollars.  Later we had

dim sum at Lychee Garden, walked around

North Beach, North Point, Polk Street,

and watched Naruto episodes.  We

had a lovely dinner (home cooked!)

and both went to bed early for work.

mcmxcix

I’m Your Hero

Maybe I should try a

French movie from the

1950s.  That’s all I really

know.

Last night.  Drinks at

Kimo’s with Kim.

Watching a hustler

get arrested.  Or

handcuffed.  He

said he was being

‘checked out’  ....

I walked to work

this morning

(arrived at

5:15am), the

first person at

Starbucks!  A

lovely walk

that went

without a

hitch.

Prince is

crying

ever since

the new

millennium

started.  His

weekends

anymore are

a blur (not

purple).

mcmxcviii

I spent a lot of time reading

in Union Square this week.

Coffee keeps coming up.

It dawns on me now

that dancing grumpily

(grumpy-dancing) is

such a waste of time.

In November I am

so very tired I just

want to lie down

somewhere.  I

put in fifty or

so hours every

week, which I am

constantly either

complaining about

or bragging about.

It dawns on me now

that this is a complete

waste of time.

Apparently, I was

once performing a

series of what I called

Wicked Sonnets.  That’s

what’s been keeping me

super busy.  Plus the

year-end reviews

next week.

I had a turkey burger

for lunch.

mcmxcvii

In 1997 I went to the doctor

in pain from crying for weeks

huddled down at the end of my

very long hallway.  It was the

third floor of a lovely Edwardian

apartment building in the South End.