mmcclxxxi

Retroactive Overweight Sonnet

One week from yesterday

I get a paycheck.  I’m

pretty broke; in need of

paying bills down and feel-

ing I can breathe easier.

But that’s pretty normal.

“Do I look as blank as I

feel?” I wonder.  Please

accept this as my letter

of resignation.  Hey, I just

thought of something that

might help you understand

one part of my mind.

If I think I’m dying, I

will still wake up next to

you tomorrow morning.  “Oh,

the future, Dear Future!”  I say

to the big orange bowl in the sky.

mmcclxxx

chicken mouth vs. onion mouth

his big problem is

he lives in fear of

being embarrassed.

home by around 10.

sick ever since.  my

nose runs.  i am so

boring.  perhaps i

go home?         .....

next day, feeling

much better.  lunch

with erin at gaylord.

i wish i were just

frolicking around

the city aimlessly.

wouldn’t it be fun?

later in the evening,

tasting indian food

from hours ago, i’m

about to trust a com

plete stranger to pick

up & fix my laptop.

mmcclxxix

less willow

more buffy

sounds beau

tiful.  i roll

over & go

back to

sleep.

think

good

thoughts

as much as

they can be

thunk.  the

first thing

to do is to

let perfection

go.  at least a

little.  why is

my heart so

healthy?

nighty

night

for 
now.

mmcclxxviii

Sad Clown

Here I am,

a sad clown.

No better

way to

put it.

mmcclxxvii

That the poem is a toy

with the structure of insomnia.

                           —Norma Cole

Even as I write

I am falling asleep.

Reminders of all the

things I need to do

keep cropping up,

yet I cannot stay

awake (even as

my mood drifts

downward again).

This morning I got

some nice little

punches.  And

later, lunch with

Otto at Power

Source (it says

here “next door;

was good”).

Carolyn says

Suzy has

esophageal

cancer.  Terminal.

How long now

has she lived

terminally ill?

It seems a long

time.  Well....

Highlights of

the weekend:

saw Match Point

by myself.  Ex-

cruciating.  Gym:

4.3 miles at 6.5 mph

constant.  And later,

again with Otto,

we step out to

Mezzanine for

the Matinee.

mmcclxxvi

Tonight is movie night.

We’re doing it monthly

this “semester,” so

besides the one while

Mom was here, it’s the

second movie night of

the year.  Counting

everything.

A grump I am again.

What a rollercoaster.

Last night all good,

now this.  Arguing

all morning over

Strawberry Banana

Odwalla.  I miss

Fresh Samantha.

Later, home via cab,

what a drag I am.

Remembering Ikiru

(Kurasawa) and the

plums on top of

the seasoned rice.

mmcclxxv

The newest stuff I’ve downloaded

Then, mumbly

with Otto

doing his first

online class –

I watched

some – it’s an

art history

class which

looks fun.

Spacing out

while the data-

base repairs it-

self.  Then zzz.

Today, I do feel

ever so much

better.  Work

gets me down

sometimes –

it’s so droll.

But I’m ok.

I should make

better of it.

There are so

many movies

I want to see.

I have made a

big list.  The

Oscar nom-

inations just

in, Brokeback

Mountain

get-

ting the ex-

pected brunt.

mmcclxxiv

My early years were cold.

                  —Maureen Thorson

I might say the same,

but I grew up in

Arkansas. We had

occasional snow

(e.g., during most

every Boy Scout

camp-out in which

I participated), but

summers were

hot and humid.

I suppose what

I mean by Ms.

Thorson’s quote

is that I was a

late bloomer.  I

somehow rode

my way through

school “book-

smart,” but with

no realization.

Or so it seems

from this angle.

Now?  What do

I realize?  Let’s

see—thank

heavens yes-

terday is done!

     —Happily

propped up

on the city

of no air

conditioning.

mmcclxxiii

He lived in the restive staccato

Of memorabilia.

                     —Maureen Thorson

I hate work.

What would

make me be

okay with work?

That’s not entirely

true.  Anxious?

I’m in a pretty

lousy mood.  Plus,

I want purpose

(porpoise!),

something to

devote myself

to (time & energy)

from which I can

gain reward,

triumph.

That’s a nice word.

Rain doesn’t help.

I just want my 

(heart back.) 

laptop fixed. 

I don’t really 

mind work.  

I do it daily.

mmcclxxii

While Home Alone & With It Raining Heavily

Heavy rain, starting with

Friday night.  Went to see

Mars Rover at the IMAX

with Yuki; one of the

strangest things I have

ever done with him, and

on that level, delightful.

(I have really missed

Otto this weekend.)

Anyway, after the

movie, we made our

way to Sparky’s

for dinner and good

conversation, then

our separate ways.

I to bed rather early

and then up early

on Saturday to

the gym—Embar-

cadero—after

Sutter Stockton

Starbucks.  But

my gym was

flooded, so I

detour to the

Tenderloin Y,
run two miles.

mmcclxxi

I remember trying to figure out what it’s all about.  (Life.)

                                                                  —Joe Brainard

I learned a few things,

had a nice time this

weekend and, all-

in-all, was just

bored solid

yesterday

afternoon.