Friday, August 05, 2016

mmdcxx

first day w/o

a job
a friend
a partner
a partner-in-crime
a drink
a drug
a drink inside of a little pill
a lover
a shiver
a pocketbook
a pocket
a dollar
the sound of white noise

mmdcxix

At the end
of a very
long break,
one might
curtsy or
spew.


Wednesday, August 03, 2016

mmdcxviii

Halogen Therapy

     Now the story is about a tame coyote and deer in Yosemite,
     and the mouse in the Pepperidge Farm cookies
                                                                   —Marcia Roberts

Sometimes looking
backwards gives one
too much perspective.

Sunday, July 31, 2016

mmdcxvii

Wisdom

“Every
couple
of years
hold a
‘summit
conference’
with your
spouse.”

“It takes
Jane and I
about a
year…
to figure
out our
‘homework’
for the next
conference.”

(quotes are direct from an article entitled
“What habits do happy couples have?”
Which can, as I write this, be found at 
a place on the internet called Quora.com)

fun


Saturday, July 30, 2016

mmdcxvi

My To Do List:
  •  includes
  •  a complete
  •  set of
  •  laughter
  •  as well as
  • “Put picture
  •  in vino 
  •  magnet
  •  frame”

no


Thursday, July 28, 2016

mmdcxv

Oh come back, whatever heart
you have left.  It is my life
you save.  The poem is done.

                       —John Wieners

I can say that again, right?
Repetition can be powerful;
it can evoke memory (and
provoke it).  It can also,
I suppose, be a sign of
some weakness, point a
bit too astutely to a lack of
memory, for example.
I’ve never been one for
power, anyway.  Attention,
perhaps?  But Superhero?
Not me.  And whatever the
case, these words arrived,
and continue to arrive, and
for now, they are a long
river of paradoxical mantras.
And so I use them two at 
a time and again and again.
My gratitude for anyone
who puts up with my
insistence on echoing
my own voice, my
own words, and those
of many other better
voices than mine.  There
is some consistency,
even within such a
gemini as, well, myself.
Thus the duplicitous
mantra spake: The 
poem is never finished.

The poem is never finished.


Monday, July 18, 2016

mmdcxiv

Oh come back, whatever heart
you have left. It is my life
you save. The poem is done.

                                                  —John Wieners

This from the last 3 lines of Wieners’ “A Poem for Painters,”
in his San Francisco masterpiece The Hotel Wentley Poems.
Somewhere in Polk Gulch, purportedly about being painted
by Robert LaVigne, nine years and ten days before I, myself,
crawled through a drainpipe in Fort Smith, Arkansas, ugly
and slapped. I cried, too, halfway between San Francisco
and Boston, knowing even then, perhaps, that I’d be nowhere
but anywhere until I was either here or there. Here being
one block down from the eastern tip of Nob Hill, which is
just a few short blocks east of Polk Gulch, which, also, to-
wards (or almost to), I walk almost daily. This, the neighbor-
hood of the Hotel Wentley at a certain time. If I have all of the
facts straight, that is less than a mile from me, now, sitting at
my desk, looking over the rooftops of the Tenderloin to
my right, and the nibs of the landmark shortscrapers
of the Financial District to my left. I had the great honor
of hearing Wieners read from his own voice, in person, a
couple of times when he was alive. And also, when he
was alive (somewhat, it seemed to me), at the Corbetts’
party in the South End (Boston, of course – so grand
were Bill and Beverly’s parties there, so lucky I felt,
and if ever there were a man as good at paying homage,
be it to greats such as Wieners or to unknowns, such
as my lowly self, I do not know as he seemed the best. 
I took my very first poetry class, at MIT, where it was 
free to me, an employee, just under 30 years old). 
This particular party, held shortly after the inaugural 
of Pressed Wafer, a press the name of which derived
from another line of John Wieners’ poetry. It was
at this party that I first officially met him, Wieners. I’ve
no idea exactly what I said to him but I do remember
cradling his hand for a moment, over-excitedly, a
hand that, as I do recall, could rarely be seen, only
emerging occasionally from whatever longer-than-
arms’-length jacket he’d be wearing. But when
they did stretch through and out of those overly long
sleeves, they’d reach out—through Kentucky and
over the Hoover Dam—like a bridge across a fucked-
up continent, and to a down and outcast heart, which
is how I at least think of mine now, mouldering, even,
never quite able to crack, though, like LaVigne
s poetried
portrait of John, or the memory of that lovely and surreal
party held in honor of a man who was and is a superhero 
to many, certainly to myself. All of this just clings to my 
insides, gripping at lung and tarnish, at whatever heart 
there is or might be. It’d be nothing but a hollow wish, 
this living, during times like these, were it not for you 
and yours to come and save. My gratitude to you all, 
those who are always at the rescue.

Mom and me on the California Street Cable Car


Sunday, July 17, 2016

mmdcxiii

You Discus Me!

“Let’s play FRISBEE!!”
screamed the rabbit to 
the jackass on each but 
every U.S. Holiday.

Paris 6-4-07


Wednesday, July 13, 2016

mmdcxii

You Discuss Me!

I finally froze
“These are the
kinds of poems
I’ve been trying
to make: light
on their feet,
fluttery-buttery
at the bowels,
look-feel-taste
fantastic.”

Then you froze
at the surface
of what looked,
at first, like an
endless icy wilderness,
never to make it into
the annals of the 
experiential frieze.

You Discuss Me!


Tuesday, July 12, 2016

mmdcxi

Butt babies don’t survive.
                                                   –TwoXS

Some folks
Rise
To the occasion

Other folks
Seem to
Lower themselves

Fornication

lower themselves


Monday, July 11, 2016

mmdcx

“I’ll have the bottomless top to go, please!”

Crowdsourcing
Tenant Rights
[Clown-funding]
[Tittie Pies]

Ugh!
My attempts at sincerity
(they are this pimp’s
ultimate sin, don’t
you think?)

Please backchannel me.

Loveless


Sunday, July 10, 2016

mmdcix

“You’ll never guess who just choked on my armpit!”

Not
having
any
is a need
full of
  (wash your hands,
  wash your hands,
  gargoyle,
  spit,
  gargoyle,
  expel completely)
mouthwash.

tip o' the hat


Thursday, July 07, 2016

mmdcviii

“Jerk me OFF, not around!”

Over time
Into became
More of a
Go-to than
Wherever

If I make a change


Monday, July 04, 2016

mmdcvii

“Is Word a Phrase?”

Harlan Glaubtrodder
Was Always
Three Steps Away
From Where He Was
The Moment
Immediately Preceding.

When Asked How He
Got There, Harlan
Would Always Misstep,

And SNAP!  The Dual
Axles Of His Continu-
Ally Existing, By Simple
Comparison To Most Of Us,
in Near Simultaneity,
Several Places at Once

Always Left An Indelible Imp-
Ression On Us Non-Existent.

Non-Existent


Tuesday, June 28, 2016

mmdcvi

Oui! Oui! Mein Hertz!!
…for a guy who likes structure…

blueberries
blasted onto the
formica. blat!
  blat-blat!
                BLAT!!

the raspberries
that tasted sweet
to each but one
tongue
had been del-
ivered to the wrong
auditorium.

Change


Monday, June 27, 2016

mmdcv

Reindeer:       Space

Logic → Empty Project

Option → Movie
      open movie
               “File.mov”


Media → Loops
    Sound effects

    Click & Drag
    (for sound loop)


‘A’ turns on the Auditorium
or View → Trade Ammunition


Options → Movie
                 (export audio to movie)


‘I’ = key in quick time (immediately)

‘O’ = key out
        (to delete space)

Reindeer: Space


Sunday, June 26, 2016

mmdciv

It Was the Laughter What Killed Him

Where is
the future
now that
you’ve
gone &
gobbled
it all up?

"you only leave once"


Saturday, June 25, 2016

mmdciii

How Will I Know
(If He Really Loves Me)?


We didn’t know a riptide
from a peptide, but we
knew that we just had to
find ourselves a yacht
, we
all said in unison. Then
we’ll just get ourselves
a yacht
, we each
thought silently
in simultaneity.

God’s like that, said
Martha to Penelope
the next afternoon.
Men!, harrumphed
Penelope, So total-
ly off the map!


And they are, to the
very end.

It was decided,
by Martha, during
a beautiful dusk,
one day near Rio
de Janeiro (and
elsewhere, and all
at once, because
She was God, after
all!), that what She’d
been truly aching for
all these millennia
was a godchild.

It had been an
eternity, probably.
And it had never
occurred to Her
before.

on horses


Friday, June 24, 2016

mmdcii

Assumed Stasis

How do you erase
a jerk who left you
his everything, kept
you hanging for ye
ars, whether unin
tentionally or not.
Now, we’re each
just waiting around
for a newer jerk.
For one jerk apiece.

Paris



Tuesday, June 21, 2016

mmdci

Clematis

Late summer party for work.
Theme: Oktoberfest. Hung
with Angela, Jon, Terence,
little yellow butterflies. And
I finally ascertained the name
of the tree with the purple
flowers. “So California!”
After the party we walked
down to Polk Street, heard
some fireworks, barhopped
a bit. I called Nick, who
shows up soon thereafter
with one of his girls, flirted,
met up with Erin at Swig
with a big furry cat. And
I only sipped at a straw-
berry-basil-something-or-
other. Then we were off
to Coco Bang for Korean
BBQ and watermelon soju.
There, we also saw a
butterfly. These things, 
they all happened.

Clematis


Monday, June 20, 2016

mmdc

I said I might still have been a man.


That’s wrong of me.


I am still a man.  A very broken one.


The truth is onerously painful.


I am in pain.  I am so ashamed.


What hurts the most is that which can remain neither.

I love world


Sunday, June 19, 2016

mmdxcix

Jelly

                          kissed
         by a poet TYPO 
                          —Aaron Tieger

That
part
of me
is gone.

& my
heart
doesn’t
even
know
it yet.

happy


Thursday, June 16, 2016

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

mmdxcvii

Memory’s Miserable Without You

You’re such a New York boy.
But look at me. Will I always
be craving you? (Look at me,

stupidly believing I’ll always
crave you, always cry out for
you) as I wake up with night

terrors (they’re terrible, so);
that’s what they’re calling
them now. There’s a name

for it; there’s a whole society!
I suppose I’ve never been
unique. This thought brings

me back to “Unique, New
York! Unique, New York!”
and now faster, says the

director of Much Ado About
Nothing
. An anachronistic
production set in the 1920’s.

I was Don Pedro, and all I
really remember were the
quick and plentiful costume

changes (often a uniform
of any sport you’d imagine
Jay Gatsby playing). To

be playing. I just played
on play-acting for years.
But you? Do I actually

even remember you? If
only I could say “Maybe.”
If I could just say “Maybe

not.” But what if I told you
I remember EVERYTHING?
What, then, would that mean

to you? Or whomever? I
skulk around trying like mad
to be remembered for some-

thing. To forget, even. Per-
haps. Yes...No. The truth
is, if I’m so very forgettable,

then why do you try so des-
perately hard (it seems) 
to completely erase me?

to completely erase me


Tuesday, June 14, 2016

mmdxcvi

It Wasn’t Wit

I told a myth.
Or wrote it.
A myth-take
happened
when I wept
all over it (
actually, I
just spilled
a glass of
water). And
from such,
whatever
remains,
comes: It
wasn’t
even a
screw.
Who
said
what
LOVE
GIFTS
are?
Like a
whinny
for a
crab-
apple,
the un-
explain-
able is
like that.
Van Dyke,
come back
you dark
knight,
come
look at
what
you’ve
done to
the daylight.
The teevees
with which I
chalk the
sidewalk
certainly
won’t be
a fit sub-
stitution.

Who
wrote
that?
I love 
horses.

I love horses.


Monday, June 13, 2016

mmdxcv

I guess I hope…some of my input is useful…to your
effort [breath]

                  —Stephanie Young & Juliana Spahr
                     (who note the quote is from a 2007 performance by
                      Ultra-red in LA’s Historic State Park)

Dear Voices with Words in Them,

I keep trying to find the voice that wrote this…
this thing I hear or read (in which case, the voice
is my head, or is in it). (Or) Is it in the kitchen,

cranky and cooking? One can never be too sure.
I mean nothing by any of this except let’s do lunch
sometime. I miss you and am hoping I’ll see you soon!

I guess, I. Hope

I guess, I.  Hope


Sunday, June 12, 2016

mmdxciv

A charm of hummingbirds, a troubling of hummingbirds, a hover of hummingbirds.
                               —from Common Names for Gatherings of Birds (which I found online)

Something about
duck penises
in the news.
Dick of duck,
what?


let sleeping dogs lie


Saturday, June 11, 2016

mmdxciii

During the interview
my mind was racing
to all four corners
of the boardroom,
if not the universe.
I thought of yes-
terday, how it stuck
in my mind like a bone
sitting horizontal half-
way down a throat
(mine).  I thought of
tomorrow and the
next day and the
day after that, just
in case this was
a place I might
wind up spending
those days.  Some-
where between
these thoughts of
future and past
was where I exited,
had existed, where
I currently sat; some-
where near the end
of a long table, on the
side facing the window
with the beautiful view
of downtown and of
skyward and of (a few
short moments between
when the receptionist
graciously brought me
a pair of bottled waters
and the interviewers
arrived) way down to
the city’s tiny pedest-
rians.  To its cabs and
honking SUVs.  I’d be
introduced to the three
folks who would be at-
tending (whose names
I fail to remember in
this other present
moment).  But one
of the attendees,
an “interviewer”
if you will, said right
at the beginning, as
she introduced her-
self, that she was
The Observer. “I’m
just here to observe,”
she said, and that
she did, having said
everything she’d say
during the amount of
time I was there, per-
haps 30 minutes, per-
haps a bit over an
hour, right at that mo-
ment.  As always, it
was theatrical; a
farce.  And now,
looking back, I
wonder if she 
heard anything
that I said, saw
even just one thing 
that I did.

13


Wednesday, June 08, 2016

mmdxcii

A Boy Named Sue

      Damn you, woman, for making me the villain!
                      —Odin from an issue of DC Comics’ Thor

Does the thorn
feel bad about
the prick, I
wonder?
Or does
it simply
despise
the glory
of the rose
and its
youthful
death?

A Boy Named Sue


Monday, June 06, 2016

mmdxci

Just Call Me Susan

Don’t you see what I
mean by dreamy?

Is the hate because
of the love, or vice

versa? Do you
see what I mean

at all, Sweetheart?
Blink once for no

and twice for yes.
Don’t worry. I’ll

be waiting right
here until you

understand.

Don't worry


Sunday, June 05, 2016

mmdxc

My Name Is Not Susan

Good evening from a dreamy
day, an ethereal evening,

and then, tonight, you ran away
with all of the mercy, all of our

photographs, all of the good
and, worst of all, you ran from

that of you who was, well, you.
Who was you. (?)  Who is you?

I mean, what I thought I knew
has to be irrelevant, miniscule,

yet you is something that, to
me, was always clear, or, well,

only occasionally somewhat
murky.  Whatever the case, is

or was, whatever I knew, I know
now that I did not, nope.  The

new know is irrevocably no,
is irrevocably wrong, it just

ain’t right.  It’s paradoxical and
not the least bit paradisical.  It’s

as wrong as a particularly jolly
Santa breaking his ho ho hos

into the vinyl that is spinning
backwards, which would

be counterclockwise, I believe,
in the mode those 
‘satanic’ 

messages purportedly could
be discerned if you listened to

certain albums from the 1970s
backwards.  Yes, I believe the 

incorrect way for a vinyl disc
to spin, or the correct way

to spin it incorrectly under the
needle, would be counterclockwise. 

But then again, it seems
to me that I have

pretty much always
been wrong about

what is correct.

My Name Is Not Susan


Saturday, June 04, 2016

mmdlxxxix

Catafalque Tattersall

Mapped last weekend
as one of the most
stressful. Then I read
and wrote and napped
and whatnot. On Sun-
day, watched dim sum
at Lychee Garden. To
home afterwards. To
a nap, to nothing, to
so much of nothing
that there’s a lot of
nothing to report.
A whole lot of
nothing. Later,
we went out for
drinks to watch
barbacks do their
job. I am sure I
could say plenty
more about that,
but I’ll stop here.

anachronizms, written and posted


Thursday, June 02, 2016

mmdlxxxviii

I’m as sick as my secrets.
                 —Tim Dlugos

I didn’t try on secret-
ive until I realized
that people could
read me so easily.
“Like a book,” my
so-called high school
friends would say to
me. So I became this
character, this not me
that has become me.
Now, each corner I
turn, every face I make,
each word I choose has
me wondering about my
intention, whether it’s
me or not me who made
the decision. Was it
mere diversion? Was
it gut impulse? I won-
der about the strategy 
of it all. Don’t you?

me, not me