mdclxx

     ...and the baby
     Cows are rehearsing
     Their lives by eating.
                —Kenneth Koch

Last night I was craving
Boston baked beans and
pumpkin seeds. I was
destined to live in Boston—
eating ‘baked beans’ until
parched—each day of
camp. Now a can of
cashews, half-eaten
again. And a tube
of lipstick. Trying
every Ben & Jerry’s
flavor that has a hint
of caramel or peanut
butter in it (which is
almost all of them?
except red velvet
cake, which I get
anyway, and WOW!).
Having lost 7 pounds
in less than 2 weeks.
Falling prey to giving

in to his new friend
months after the
hard sell, something

that will come so 

damned close to 

being my very demise. 

Realizing our (my)

aversion to change and

how upside down it is,

given the need for any

evolution, any change

of scenery, as it relates

to creativity. But I love

change. Walk around
aware of this bundle
of conflict, this body
as bundle, conflict.
So hard to get back
‘up to speed’ – so
old? Loving my
age (22, 33, 44,...).
It’s not so hectic
today, just manic,
a maniacal simp-
licity? My lips
too dry. My
new favorite
songs. A pair
of harps. One
for my hands
and one for my mouth.