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as once I wanted to write for the soaps, Santa Barbara, One Life to Live.
                                                                          —Kevin Killian
If I were to relate this to myself
it would be easy. I have two
degrees in theater. I caught
the acting bug early, but
hemmed and hawed my
way through most of
college (a chemistry
major, mostly), before
one very determined
visit to the head of the
Department of Drama.
My goal was simple
(“If they could do it,
why couldn’t I?” I had
surmised, using all 

means of logic):  I
wanted to land a job
as an actor on a daytime
soap opera. That was it.

Putting aside for the moment
whatever I must have been
thinking, however I must
have arrived at it, I do
distinctly recall the
clarity of vision, the
this is my one true goal.

She kept trying to see it in me,
I could tell. She was squinting,
leaning back in her roll-around
chair, looking me up and down
through her tiny circular Benjamin
Franklin lenses. She had friends who
made a living doing exactly that. My goal.
So I figured I had come to the right place,
and had expected a cheery vote of confidence
and encouragement.
What I got, instead, after
all of her apparent consideration,
was a simple “But you don’t look the part.”

I have never once appeared in
any televised soap opera. But
as I mentioned at the top,
I do have two degrees
in the dramatic arts.