Diary of a Landmine
This
year’s word of
the
day is calm down.
I
know this because I
hear
it regularly all
year
long; more
than
I hear any
other
word.
This
strikes me
as
humorous,
out
of the ordin-
ary,
puzzling, frust-
trating,
defense mech-
anism
and hopeless.
In
that order.
Chronologically.
Because
it is a year.
And,
true, it is not a
logical
year at all, but
it is humorous, puzzling,
frustrating,
defense mech-
anism,
throwing up (yes,
a
whole lot of that), surreal-
ism
(which numbs rather than
stings,
because it is not reality),
dread,
fits of dead end, which,
when
you find yourself there,
are
pretty hopeless (nowhere
to
go but backwards, and all),
etc.
Every day there’s another
obstacle.
Until you find that,
pausing
for a breath, you
have
rested your foot
upon
a landmine
(which,
you have
to
admit, is a pretty
solid
example of
“dead
end”).
At
this point,
you
look back
(as
I did) and
question
where
that
path you were
on
to begin with must
have
led. And where it
it
all went wrong. Where
you
somehow deviated, and
wound
up at the end of this road,
instead
of another one. Instead
of
any other one. Instead of
each
and every end of each
and
every alternate road. So
it’s
safe to say, I do believe,
that
calm down land mine
is
the word of this year
(thus
far).
