mmmci

I'll Be Home for Christmas

Dear Faraway bLIZZARD,

It’s christmas YES christmas
the cloudy steepled sky yells
CHRISTMAS!  Even the 

hummingbirds notice.

They’re wearing teeny-

tiny WREATHS!  (It’s the 

1st time in 6 YEARS I’m a-

LONE A loan? It’s) stair- 

steps up from the courtyard
(steep hyphens that make the
holidays even hAPPIer!); it’s
bright city clangor vibration

baritone orange (a turkey HANG

OVER) deep inside the grey

guardrails; making your cold

grip feel a bit arthritic, while

up from around your legs swirl

more ORANGE - fist-sized 

leaves that sigh as they rise - 

in a rare sign of (autumn 

departs / winter enters) a 

San Francisco season.

What the weather [sic]

must do to the poor CHILDren,
i wonder.  The SKY’s up there

somewhere - it’s YELLing

SHOUTing tons and tons and

TONS of (KISSES!  Each of them

moist-ish) chrISTMAS YESses.

This generous racket is aimed

gracelessly, in no particular 

direction (the howling runnels 

collide with the swervy tops of

eucalyptuses - such CACA-

PHONY), so they’re impossible 

to avoid: INcoming / OUTgoing 

WHOOMP(!)S of seasonal cheer 

that RIP through your gut with 

such an electric ZING that you’ll

REEL - and then pause in your

crouch.  And when you see fit

just to lift up your eyeballs, 

what’s to be seen is a

city that’s gone such a 

dizzying red and green

that you’ll find yourself 

asway and yet stuck

to the busy sidewalk 

for who knows how long 

imagining yourself a 

casualty in the BLOOD-

iest battle of a war among

the world’s entire population 

of FROGS.  There you are 

in a city of strangers,

sapped clean of spirit -

and you haven’t even

been sHOPPING

(what’s worse is

that you couldn’t 

do so even if you 

wanted to). 

Eventually, 

cognizant that

you are now 

limping back

home (which

is on the seedy

side of town this

year; long story)

to the omnipresent

sound of sleigh bells

(or the onset of a

particularly loud 

case of tinnitus)

with the occasional

whip-crack clap of the

local junior high school 

band’s slapstick.  So

you arrive at your 

door with a headache, 

immediately slip into

pajamas (the ones with

the mistletoe print) ... and

just before the day’s LAST

GASP, there’s a set of sirens

that pierce your ears from the

street below, a dull reminder 

that you’ve been stood up TWICE 

in ONE MERRY WEEKEND (only 

to have it later suggested - and 

not by the Messrs. Standers-Upper - 

that it was KARMA) ... and finally, there’s 

nothing left but to fall (like Alice down

the WELL) into a frenzied, fitful night of 

festive-repulsive nightmares (with a

soundtrack that includes SILENT NIGHT

and BLUE CHRISTMAS - as performed by 

the Chipmunks).  

Love ALWAYS, 

Jingle Bells / Jangled Nerves