(just to get that out of the way)
the way i mostly think i read books is as a writing tool, like breathing (is to living, by the way): reading inhale, output exhale writing. it’s okay to forget there are any number of other fantastic reasons to read because all of that happens anyway, so long as i read. but i am thinking how in this way, the reason, because of which, to write, and on that subject usually not thinking anything through beyond that (because it works, i love doing it, i appreciate output, mine, too, or probably especially, but for different reasons which i also think too much about, but is not what i am talking about here), so, well, it is in this way that i am such a user, and i really think of this, for a lot of reasons, but mostly because it’s true, it is an astute observation i have of myself, and those can be good, too, right? and that is definitely what gets me to do it, why i’m doing it, reading and writing, this is the discipline for me, it is what gets me there almost every time (and almost always happily), and i am aware of this in a constant way, it is always in here, maybe not at the exact front of my mind but certainly not too far towards the back of it: that i’ll need my fix, and i know that getting it is a must, i am a connection of the moments when i get it, especially because, well, output, which i am at least immodest enough to think of as a means of giving back, even without knowing at all on what level (and, just for the sake of argument, why would that even matter?). if you’ve ever seen a quote by you at the top or bottom (or it could even be in the middle, so in actuality anywhere nearby) one of my poems, then please know that’s my cognizant appreciation of the immense and intense value of what you give me, which i, in turn, use. know that what you give me is so big that i am compelled to recognize it, from the tiny stage around and about which i'm so often swinging, as a way to say and show my deep gratitude and as a way to perpetuate your good stuff, there is never enough of it. the good stuff to be the best and most purposeful most useful stuff of all. and i don’t just mean this as an advert to lure you over to my words so much, either, except that you’re here now, and of that I am also aware and most appreciative, but also, because, truly, i can only aspire to, or can only hope upon hope, that i might on occasion, or at least once or twice even, get similarly used, and i mean on any level that has any kinship whatsoever with what your good stuff and, therefore and also, what your very presence, your existence, does, has done and keeps doing for me. so thank you so much. because when’s not the right time to show a bit of gratitude? that’s something i never do seem to run low on. so i do try to express it to you all in the only ways i can see it or the ways i certainly receive it best. that is an act or a gesture so big and yet so easy that — and i write this as light as i can but in earnest, and with apologies if necessary — even a user like me can do it now and again.
oh a new person a new person
—Sophia Dahlin
