Already Been Paid So Generously?
remember those “bank errors in your favor” –
from that ever timely (and timeless!) board game
from which we each and all learned the most
hard-won lessons in life, love and the pursuit
of frivolity, materiality and happiness?
I am speaking to you all, of course, about
Monopoly (which should not be confused
with Life, a similar game which, despite most
scientific evidence, has existed roughly only
since around 1860, and on which – and please
do bear with me here as this might also serve
to further imprison us all within said confusion –
Milton Bradley apparently holds the monopoly;
I might add, and you may be surprised to learn
this, that Life, it turns out, is an older board game
than Monopoly), that grand old game that serves
as a comprehensive and brilliantly appropriate
(please note that this message is being brought
to you from California, a United State of America)
compendium of general educational relevance
for most all of us, and which was owned with
for most all of us, and which was owned with
exclusivity, by the esteemed Brothers Parker
until they were, in turn, purchased by Hasbro
in 1991.*
needless to say, both families, the Parkers
and the Bradleys, thanks especially to these
particular monopolies, are tycoons, which
means that they are among the richest (and
I would add, most generous) on the very same
planet upon which the unlucky remainder of us
reside.
and speaking of misfortune, back to those bank
errors. surely most of you all can recall picking
up one of the yellow cards, the ones in the
Community Chest pile (a nice phrase that holds
a mirror, as it were, toward the veritable brawn
of humanity), only to joyously discover that your
kind-hearted bank, bless the souls of each and all
of its hard-working citizens, had made a booboo
and that you, your very self, and one that could
certainly use an extra dollar or two, too, are the
immediate recipient of the spoils collected from
you by your financial institution in some most
accidental and human error.
(and aren't you lucky, because they have, just as
they always will do, caught said issue, and are
therefore promptly making amends by promptly
paying you back, and with such pomp and general
ado!
well, I have no idea if that actually ever happens,
given my experience, and without doing any
further research
but, and we’re still talking about the game of
Monopoly here, I can, I assure you, relate much
more with errors or fees that are not in my favor
(a prime example is drawing the card, as anyone
might, and as you all most likely have, from time to
time, this one from the pile marked alluringly and
expactantly "Chance," demanding that the drawer
“pay poor tax of $15” (which, I can only assume
is a ridiculously inaccurate number that in no way
accounts for inflation, nor any number of other
related charges that you can bet your bupkis
would be added onto the original number,
should you be experiencing it in, well, real life.)
poor tax, indeed! I’d hazard a hypothesis that
a more representatively redundant pair of words
has yet to be combined.
lest you think that I am speaking from somewhere
outside of my sphere of knowledge over here, let
me just remind (as I love to do as often as it might
come up, no matter how remote the reason) that I
myself all but finished my studies toward an actual
degree in chemistry (and I am not talking about
the degree of intensity of a burn, chemical or other-
wise, here, but on that note will say to please do
always remember to be careful and ever aware with
your bunsens and your beakers out there, boys and
girls!)
and to all of your poor parents out there in teevee-
land, let me just with heart in hand remind you all
that tax day is soon upon us, so I hope you’re well
on your way to getting your ducks in a row, so to
speak, and to mailing away those poor taxes, and
as quickly out the door in as reasonable and as legal
(which, upon present consideration, might be a
bit of a stretch, I suppose) a timeframe as is, well,
legal and reasonable.
and now for a few fine words from our sponsor,
ladies and gentleman: here are the partners clampitz,
pittance and assenfax, with a few more helpful hints
on our poor taxes. we’ll be right back in just a jiffy.
*The history
of Monopoly can be traced back to 1903, when
American antimonopolist Lizzie Magie created a game which
she hoped would explain the single-tax theory
of Henry George.
It was intended as an educational tool to illustrate the
negative
aspects of concentrating land in private monopolies. She took
out a
patent in 1904. Her game, The Landlord’s Game, was self-
published,
beginning in 1906.
