mmmccclxxxv

The Dumdum Conundrum

is earthbound, just astride

the bay, and has flying 

daggers, or at least a

ton-pounded arrow

replete with a
monster gold

en half-buried-

into-the-earth
bow.
the arch
ery badge
i earned in
boy scout camp
gave me a splendid
feeling, it's true. but how 

could i not but feel an even 

bigger burst of life than when

i sunk to the bottom of a lake 

with a massive rock tied inside 

of my t-shirt, only to soon and

somehow,  miraculously find 

myself gasping the air with my

head above water in mere 

seconds.... so no matter the

bevy of hifalutin insignia that
adorned my own sash of merit,
that swimming badge, simple
as it might have appeared, pro
vided the most gratification of
all. it was mine. i earned it. i
don’t think there was a badge
for sitting on a cliff with one’s
legs dangling over it. or for
somehow managing to twist
through the mangled limbs
of the trees that jutted out of
the rocks of that steep incline,
my dangling toes just below,
yet seemingly miles above,
the papery fields below.
i suppose a bow and ar
row might give one
a better than zero
chance of getting
one or two places
alive, surely, but
to swim is nothing
less than to sur
vive. archery
seems more
like some
thing roy
alty do
with a
fox and
maybe a
dead bird;
or science fic
tion like the hung
er games, or robin
“the rich to help the
broken broke” hood.

i earned that badge, 

too. but.  to swim 

rather than drown 

seems a much more
down to earth (but
yet, deadly, just for 

the lack of earth) and 

practical skill one might 

use or need to use at 

a moment’s notice, 

without the advantage 

of forethought  (“look, 

i brought
my bow
and a few
gurgle!”).
(“oops, can’t
swim, i’m a
goner! gurgle!”)
(“gone!”). then

there’s the
myth of solid ground. until, of course the
earthquake hits when, if you’re in my vic
inity, anyway, might have you spinning
around in something called liquefaction.
which, unlike quicksand, at least sounds
like something one might be able to es
cape somehow by means of a capability
to swim. i like to be prepared for the wo
rst, but can’t recall there being an apoc
alypse merit badge, nor one for global
warming (although maybe there is now?), 

nor one for crashing into an iceberg, or 

falling from the sky in a burning zeppelin. 

i remember an old readers’ digest comic, 

where the hindenburg and the titanic 

are crossing paths. both have a 

couple of fingers raised as one 

goes one way and the other goes

the opposite, each with smug grins
on their “faces” with a tiny text
bubble apiece. the bubbles had
identical text: “be prepared.”
it’s also quite possible that
my memory is playing tricks
with me and that the vision
of the cartoon inserted the
seeming reams of supposedly

condensed text (i was a kid)

is something that i only 

just now, spontaneously 

and subconsciously
invented. none
of this prepares
either one of us
for the inevitable,
however, would
n’t you agree?