mmmcccxcviii

new poem

     There are always so many things to do.
     No matter how many of them you’ve done!
                                          —Glenn Ingersoll

I might as well make a
totally abstract to do list.

I realize what a tease I’d
be to not go ahead right

now and crank out just
for you an example of

what my abstract to do
list might look like,

but I’m actually quite
comfortable being called

a tease; it’s a notion that
has made me laugh for

several decades now –
I mean, it’s more than a

notion – since I’ve been
called a tease quite a few

times over the past several
decades. Me? A tease? I

have some pretty strong
beliefs, wrapped around

what I used to call a value
system that I was overjoyed

to see begin to solidify or
come to fruition, and the

old me, the one who might
at any given moment have

a quorum of some sort in my
very presence, would often

tout these beliefs based on this
burgeoning value system quite

vociferously. but just because
one believes strongly about

a particular subject does not
automatically mean that the

said believer is even an act
ive participant in that thing

which he might tout as being
good, a-ok, important, if no

thing else, food for lifelong
thought – for when a time a

rises wherein, say, this, what
had always been a very strong

and voluble belief might be app
ropriately put into play. I would

envision that this would become
less abstract (I’m curious, are you

at all surprised the direction these
lines are now taking, the twists and

turns that got us here – imagine for
a moment that there is no logic, no

logical progression; wouldn’t that
suck? Or would it? What if we had

no actual rules, and that all of our
belief systems—along with the values

those are potentially enwrapped and/or
tangled together with—what if all of

these were just based around hunches
rather than some sort of educated no

tions, what if there was no logic to
your or my belief system? Would

we even go to the trouble of putting
forth an effort at peaceful coexistence?).

I might start to give examples of what I am
talking about. So, here is one: I believe

strongly that monogamy is a ludicrous
construct. Just bringing this up would

always and almost immediately be the
start of quite a raucous discussion, the

purported sexuality of the quorum
notwithstanding – it’d always go

down the same: folks would be so
intrigued, mostly all vow that they

could not even imagine having an
open relationship, a non-monogam

ous one; the rules in which one might
get a bit of leeway would be discussed

(hypothetical celebrity free passes,
it’s okay to play around so long as it’s

at the gym, etc.,) and it might come up
how Europeans have infidelity down to

an art, which would allow that it is also
the expectation rather than the exception,

presumably. Now, all I said to start was
that monogamy was a ludicrous construct.

By the end of the discussion, feelings were
often visibly bruised, there were accusations

that I was trying to pawn off a belief system
to others, people would stand up for their val

ues, etc. I was the instigator. The one to be
careful around, because you might get pro

voked. I’d also often be, to the best of my
finite capacity for knowledge and my ability

to listen and comprehend and slice through all
of the bullshit, it would later appear to me,

the most ardent monogamist, the person who
would be the last to just up and disappear from

a relationship, a friendship, family, even. To
this day the hypocrisy of all that I would go

on to discover and rediscover over and over
again, the lack of logic applied to what folks

believed so strongly in, as far as I could
possibly glean.....I mean, this was a time

period in which I began to understand the imp
ortance of empathy, the same compact set of

years in which I’d, upon hearing about a friend
in need, would go out of my way to do anything

I could to make sure they were okay – it wasn’t
that this was a foreign concept with me, but for

reasons I could probably guess, I was a late
bloomer to ever feel those feelings, the need

to help others, rather than turning the other
way. I’m no martyr, please don’t imagine I am.

I do love screwing around with certain cultural 

mores, however; especially ones set up

around acts of engagement and of sex.  And any

thing near the concepts of love, commitment....

Commitment. And honesty. These are
not abstract notions. But if I were to place

myself, or these lines, in the realm of the
abstract alone; if I were to forego all meta

phor, just string a few words together as
if they were a grocery list, or things to do

at the office this week, or even design an
abstractly illegible (illegibly abstract) bucket

list, would the heartache be avoided?  Would
hard-earned values be lost? Unidentifiable? Per

haps it’s not so easy connecting even a flimsy
correlation between the thoughts I started with

a the top of this piece with anything that has

come after. And while I like to have things

very cut and dry, very clear, not so organic–

as an actor I appreciated the director who

told you exactly when to walk from one
spot to the next, exactly what to say, in what

dialect; this was not restrictive to me, it was
freeing, and I could still earn my talent, show

case some of it, be the actor with range, 

thanks especially to the directions that made 

all of that possible. I don’t know. And what

does it matter, any of what I’m saying to you

now, here, on this virtual page?  Not a thing,
really. .  .  .     We’re told to think outside

of the box. If things don’t fit comfortably,
if this narrative seems to meander, doesn’t

say much, or what is it doing exactly? And
why? Are these questions we need to answer?

Absolutely not. But it’s good to ask them
once in a while. It’s good to take on an

occasional challenge.  And to return
that favor by challenging others,

don’t you think?  Anyway, I would

say to you please have a look if you 

might.  What you see (read) is who I 

am.  What joy to imagine someone just

reading these lines to decipher a little
bit about me, and nothing else at all.

I hope you get much more than my story
here. I’m certainly awaiting yours.  With hope.