Fuck that shit, now I go
My way and you go yours
—David Algernon Bayley
Howard Jones, in a plaid nightgown,
is in a duel with the lead singer of
Glass Animals, what’s his name?
With swords. This, I should
mention, is happening inside
my body. I want to say that
today, or if we’re lucky, the
future is winning. If you’re
“keeping score,” that’d be
Dave Bayley. I had to look
that up, even though this
admission causes me so much
pain it hurts so good inside. Aha,
John Cougar arrives, joins Jones
and stabs Bayley on both sides at
once through both kidneys, the liver
and the large intestines. Just like in the movies,
the small intestines fall out like a pit of snakes,
in somewhat slow motion, it’s all perfectly gross.
These contests are so unfair, thank goodness (of which
I had nothing to do with the outcome, of course), and
I mourn the 2000’s, look back in anger, a weaker
lover for the 80’s. I join forces with the future and
find new ways to colonize space: kitchen space,
bathroom space and bedroom space (though
the Jacuzzi is out of business by now), with
big round red velvet beds, fitted underneath
of which are emergency spaceships built for
two, but, or so I’ve heard, will hold a slim
threesome in a pinch. Elon’s son, Corn
two, but, or so I’ve heard, will hold a slim
threesome in a pinch. Elon’s son, Corn
Husk Musk, keeps warning the herds
about innocent domain, an argument
made entirely for the lower classes
which convinces them in such an
airtight way that none of the rich
will be bothered between now
and the inevitable ejection
from circular bed into
outer space. I, however,
dare to resuscitate our
made entirely for the lower classes
which convinces them in such an
airtight way that none of the rich
will be bothered between now
and the inevitable ejection
from circular bed into
outer space. I, however,
dare to resuscitate our
dear Dave Bayley upon
the discovery of my
super power. Which
happens just in the
nick of time. We
are both expunged
from my body and have
been turned into a franchise
of films that are each directed
and developed strictly for IMAX
by John Hughes, who had also
the discovery of my
super power. Which
happens just in the
nick of time. We
are both expunged
from my body and have
been turned into a franchise
of films that are each directed
and developed strictly for IMAX
by John Hughes, who had also
been stuck inside of me, but
for several decades. In the film,
the two of us in leading roles
devise a plan to go on a world
tour, and the movie follows
us through this as we work
to perfect our act, which
wends its way, and with
wends its way, and with
such deliberation and
effect, toward the en
core, which is, you
guessed it, “Space
Ghost Coast to Coast.”
Ghost Coast to Coast.”
