Pucker your ankles.
—John Ashbery
the second movement on the elaboration of
disposition is something with which i have, i
can say with authority, extensive experience:
horrendous moods. of course, sure, i’ve had
horrendous moods. of course, sure, i’ve had
those galore, and you’re probably thinking
who hasn’t? – but, my friend, my perfect
stranger, this isn’t so straightforward as
that. however, as i said, it is nevertheless
who hasn’t? – but, my friend, my perfect
stranger, this isn’t so straightforward as
that. however, as i said, it is nevertheless
true that i have over twenty-five solid years
of experience as an executive (personal)
assistant. (it should be noted that in my
day, before i knew the ropes, there was
of experience as an executive (personal)
assistant. (it should be noted that in my
day, before i knew the ropes, there was
never one mention in the job description
of such intimate personal matters. but
it was also never quite inferred, once
the ball got rolling, so to speak, that
of such intimate personal matters. but
it was also never quite inferred, once
the ball got rolling, so to speak, that
it had never been imagined that the
two – business and personal, that is –
were ever anything akin to separate.
this could easily be reasoned, and
two – business and personal, that is –
were ever anything akin to separate.
this could easily be reasoned, and
without even a modicum of logic.
not that such a profession was all
that very bad in which to happenstance
oneself randomly into. but personal
not that such a profession was all
that very bad in which to happenstance
oneself randomly into. but personal
has become political, has become
obtrusive. personal is the binoculars
that you never asked for and with which
you can see ever so clearly into the dark
obtrusive. personal is the binoculars
that you never asked for and with which
you can see ever so clearly into the dark
recesses of your executive’s soul. which
may be every possible flavor of disgusting.
never you mind if i begin to meander into
alternative subjects, that’d be multi-task
never you mind if i begin to meander into
alternative subjects, that’d be multi-task
ing and all non sequitur-like. which, alas, is in
the job description.) movements are like that.
they take you places and make you feel
things. but are you forced? ooh, that is
the job description.) movements are like that.
they take you places and make you feel
things. but are you forced? ooh, that is
such a no-no. and did they force you, meine
liebe fritz, meine arschgeige. sometimes there’s
force, of course, a necessary but rather humor-
laden evil. it is a bitter pill to swallow, most ass
liebe fritz, meine arschgeige. sometimes there’s
force, of course, a necessary but rather humor-
laden evil. it is a bitter pill to swallow, most ass
uredly, but if you listen fully to what you’re –
scratch that – what you – what it is hoped that
you will hear...as a...well...as a metaphorical
mélange of ways in which one might call out
scratch that – what you – what it is hoped that
you will hear...as a...well...as a metaphorical
mélange of ways in which one might call out
the weakest of, the meekest of, the bleakest
of moods. and i am torturing you so because,
as they say in show business, I WANT OUT!!!!!
and aren’t you, of course, surprised. come come!
of moods. and i am torturing you so because,
as they say in show business, I WANT OUT!!!!!
and aren’t you, of course, surprised. come come!
but before you do, fetch my undergarment
catalog. i need, let’s say, about a dozen
new pairs of panties. as usual, order them
by standard post and have them delivered by
fourteen hundred anon. now don’t just
stand there; get a move on!
