mmmdcli

Here’s a Funny Head Feeling

that I’m having right now
and have decided to just
go with it. oh you were

perhaps expecting me to
describe the funny head
feeling to you? sorry.

sometimes i just go a
bout this thinking and
feeling and jabbering

on like there’s nobody
here but me. i mean,
there is no one here

except me. but i forget
the reason i do this verb
alizing. surely there are

reasons, aren’t there?
there are plenty for sure.
and if i confess that num

ber one among those is
to be heard. to talk (one
might put that as a sep

arate reason altogether, as
well, but in this case, i’m talk
ing the usual: engagement.

which is what i mean by

the nonsense of spout
ing out these innumerable

missives. which are
means to talk, to hang
out, to engage. yeah.

i mean in general, that’s ex
actly what i am attempting
to do. to have a conversation.

it’s just that tonight, lately,
sometimes i forget that part.
or i just leave that part out of

my thinking? maybe i’m just
learning how to engage with
myself. but what i mean is

(and sure, pity, but let’s
have none of that now, ok?)
i’m speaking in earnest.

and that used to mean,
speaking used to be, in
general, unless, say, the

act was carried out so as
to memorize or remember
things, like for an exam or

lines in a dramatic perform
ance, for example, a thing
which i’d put forth a some

times extravagant effort
(socially awkward yet
extroverted, in case you

didn’t by chance recall)
in order to engage. a
means to engage. to

learn. to get to know. to
flirt (do please know that
flirting was yet, still, just

the act of the saying, or
doing, something in order
to engage, so scratch that,

as it would yet be the means
to the end. of engagement,
as it were...)... so i am spread

ing out for you some whys
of engagement: to learn,
to get to know, to quell

curiosity, in hopes, of
a social or romantic
development, say,

or of enlightenment,
a means to improve,
to evolve, which i

sometimes think
is possible. but
then, so, there i

was, deciding to
go with this funny
feeling in my head.

and here i am still
going on about it,
even after admitting

to you (to whom?)
that, while it’d be
lovely to get some

sort of response,
or counter, a little
witty repartee

(like back in the
day), i had forgot
ten to whom i was

even addressing
my complaint?
the funny feeling

in my head. which
is a combination of
feelings, like a head

ache, for one, and
a tough memory
for another, along

with a feeling that
is distinctly a stress
ful one. oh, and

there’s also the
feeling of, well,
what an old coll

ege chemistry
professor of
mine use to

say when he
completely for
got his train of

thought as he
was speaking/
teaching – in

which he’d stare
at the class blankly
for an awkwardly ex

tended amount of time
and then, without even
a seeming tinge of re

gret he’d say “two trains
just collided in my head.”
then he’d go back to his

desk and sit down and
refer back to his notes
or to a textbook or the

chalkboard and carry
on. it’s basically a
combination of

those things that
are making up this
funny feeling in my

head, at least as best
as i can currently de
scribe it. but, again,

to whom am i des
cribing? and why?
it’s at times like these

that i half expect to hear
an answer or a response,
some dialog, something to

which i can then volley,
and the words would be
tossed about well into

the night. except
then i’d have a bit
more than just a

funny feeling in
my head. don’t
you expect? but

anyway, it would
appear that i owe
a bit of gratitude

to you, whomever
you are, real or un
real, here or not

here, listening/
reading or not
but from the

inside of this
head, which
has lost that

funny feeling.
all cured. for
the moment

anyway. i
think? boy,
how can i

be sure,
though?
laughter

is the best
medicine.
music makes

the people
come together.
an apple a day

keeps the doctor
away. okay. my
head. always up

in the sky. dear
feet, please do
your best to find

the floor.
where
was i?