Friday, June 23, 2023

mmmcmxciv

colours (lxiii)

what is it going to take? i am
a well-oiled, seasoned professional of 30 solid years.
this is my career and i am good at it.
employment is the NUMBER ONE GOAL. it’s the first
rung of the ladder. i have numerous additional goals, sure. but
first and foremost, i must get a job. that is the only thing
about which i must busy myself: this excruciating evaluation process.
love is why i do it. i do it to be with my man, who lives far away.
life is why i do it. no life or love, from all i know, is possible without a job.
    (this is what i know i can do. i am quite good at it. i have a resume 
    that demonstrates clearly that i have what it takes. and yet, for what i 
    assume is any number of reasons, i have no offers. tons of interviews.
    no offers. i must, and post haste, determine how to fix this, and
    have been working to do this day after day, month after month. i am
    so ready to be employed, exhaustingly so. what do these interviewers
    want? i’m a lousy interviewer. yet, historically, an top-notch employee.
    i keep trudging along and working as quickly as possible to find a way
    to see myself over this hurdle. it is the bane of my existence that it
    has not become settled. how much more patient must i be? what more
    must i do? what are they not seeing that they want to see? and who
    out there is swift enough to understand that this job, this interviewing,
    is not the job. it is an inappropriate scam of a hurdle and not where
    my expertise lies. apparently, far from it.     [help!])

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