—from a Safeway ad seen while watching news on YouTube
Thick and juicy, at first glance. Blood red
on the inside when knifed, having been
already stricken from life. He lived until
I want to say knived, which, according to
some sources seems okay to use, but from
what I can gather not the most appropriate
of choices. “He lived, he knifed,” doesn’t
sound quite as sexy as, say, Jack the Ripper
(what has me saying this right now, pacifist
that I am, but, surely I’m not alone on this?),
although he purportedly strangled his victims
(all but one) before knifing them, slitting their
throats and mutilating them, so they, like the
aforementioned slabs of beef that were grilled
only momentarily for the double tang of raw
versus cooked once plopped into the mouth
and swirled around a bit before chomped
and then sloshed sensitively down the gullet,
were lifeless before knifed. One might eat
without the worry that one is participating
in the whole knifed life or lives knived scene.
There’s nothing deadly about dead but yummy,
no matter how sharp the knife and the fork.
Where was I ever going with this? [No cows
nor intoxicated late-nineteenth-century ladies
were harmed creating this ditty, a slasher-poem,
if ever there was such a genre.] [Rimshot.] [Hack.]
