Again? I wouldn’t want to put
anyone off. Least of all you.
Is that not true? I wonder. In
truth, a whole helluva lot, that’s
what. I’ve been told, several
times, lately, as it turns out,
that I have some trouble with
specificity. With being specific.
First of all, sure, I do have a
taste for the abstract. For the
unending, the impossible riddle,
ambitious non sequiturs, for
diverting from the real subject
or story. I do meander. I have
been known to opt for avoidance,
and to take such a long ride around
a particular subject, of what surely
sounds like a sermon of some sort,
just to make a point. I’ve grown
less didactic, though. Is that a plus?
My convictions remain, but they or I
grow weary. I mean there are times.
Or at least I remember times. I know
there are moments. Well, let’s move on
to the second point, because it seems
appropriate time do so here. This one
is about my memory. Why do I do this?
I forgot. That’s a joke. It’s to remember,
silly. Now I’m condescending, which
might very well be another diversionary
tactic. Photographs often work well, too.
See how I’ve gotten stuck on one of my
most redundant subjects? Remembering.
And isn’t that what the question is about?
I didn’t ask why. I asked what. But
mostly, I’ve been listing the how. Or
is that true? Because if it is, then what
does that say about me? Which is always
the question every other question boils
down to, am I right? I think all I must
be saying is that there are so many
things I don’t remember. And a few
ways to improve memory. Because
I think that remembering things is
pretty important. How could I ever
be my best when I can’t recollect a
trajectory? Of how I’ve been doing,
of the peaks and the valleys of it all?
Of me? Of who I am? Of course,
what I really want to do is to tell
you a few things about me. What
I’ve been through. Where I am.
The things that are particularly
troubling to me these days. And
the things that make me happy.
What has made me cry recently.
And what—or who—gives me the
strength to step forward, to make
goals. And to meet those goals.
Truth be told, that last part is
what’s not been happening with
me much. Not lately, anyway. And
that sad fact, dear people, I can all
but promise you, is about to change.
