Have I told you lately that I
am a hermit? What did you
think, that I am an extrovert?
I am, as it turns out. Or was.
No, actually, still am. I take
the Myers-Briggs test just for
fun on occasion, ever since I
found out twenty-some years
ago that, rather than the stand-
offish introvert I’d believe I was
for so many years, that I was a
over three-quarters of the way
across the vector on the other
side. I’ve said it before, but dis
covering this utterly altered my
existence. Just as an example,
it became clear to me that my
weirdness in unfamiliar social
situations was due to anxiety,
but yet I needed the proximity
to other people that comes from
these events, and that me being
a wallflower at clubs, but yet so
consistently going back to them,
even if I was by myself and did
not talk to a soul the entire night
gave me just the zip I’d need. I
like to relate it to a vampire’s
need for blood. But about being
a hermit, well, there are immense
drawbacks for a person who gets
his energy from being around
human bodies. An example
is loud and clear in these
lines, as I’ve discussed
this dilemma a number
of times. I’ve become
the old man who just
repeats the same few
stories over and over
again. I’ve run out
of new things to
talk about, as
I’m stuck in
my room
most days
twenty-four/
seven. Not
to mention
the distinct
lack of focus
and mojo from
getting the, well,
the nourishment
necessary to keep
those like me up-
tempo and focused.
It’s not that I don’t
stay busy in my little
coffin-sized hotbox
most days. I do.
But it’s not the
kind of busy
that one
writes
home
about.
So, with
apologies,
I’ll try to do
better. Perhaps
thinking this way,
of how it affects
what I take more
seriously than
almost any
thing, these
maudlin lines
that are sent
out to you on
a regular basis,
will give me
just the gusto
I need to get
back out into
the world again.
So, here’s to that.
If nothing else. And
so I remain yours,
the only person
in this room.
I’m staring
at the door.
It remains
closed. I’m
getting drowsy.
Maybe, just
maybe, I’ll
find myself
opening
remain yours, the
only person in this
room. Perhaps
tomorrow I’ll
twist that
knob and
venture out.
Somewhere.
Yeah.
