The Feminine Annex
walking through tokyo one afternoon
i passed the feminine annex. there
didn’t seem to be a lot going on. i
was very tempted to steamroll into
the facility with all of the femininity
that i could muster, which, truth be
told, while proud of my attempts,
would nevertheless have surely
been quite a disaster, a total
embarrassment. but this is,
as was once an au couraunt
way to suggest an indelible
aspect of who i am, and yet
now, surely, in that way in
which language and whatever
buzzy ways in which we relay
the things we relay about
ourselves become impossible
to stay on top of, probably
overly cliché, if not entirely
passé by now, the way
i roll. only i didn’t roll that
way on that day. and perhaps
i think too highly of myself that
it might even be any real aspect
of my true self. one thing that
i can say about this subject is
that any time spent in attempt
of working toward discovering my
feminine side, in that way in which,
within a guy, might exist, and while
i’m perhaps even a bit too overly-
gracious to be a guy, even a gay
one, and feel blessed and downright
lucky to have come into this world
as such (at least this time?), is an
invaluable thing on which to spend
distinct and focused time considering.
and doing the small things one might
perhaps do as a man toward such an
end, the work, placing myself in not-
so-comfortable yet notably always
imaginary constructs, anything
to get a better understanding of
those who are different than
i am, both inherently, physically,
whether by birth or upbringing,
in the decidedly much more
difficult world it is to find
oneself, as far as can be
imagined, without the
luxury of being able to
cloak oneself within the
comforting blanket or fog
of being male and all that
might entail. so, anyway,
it’s too bad i didn’t find
myself entering the lobby
or wandering down a hallway
toward the feminine annex,
but i do spend time wondering
what that might have been,
should i have taken such a
bold and perhaps even
unwelcome move. do
i seem at all threatening
to you? i have my few
requisite radical notions,
which come and go now
and again. and i try to
remain as hopeful and as
open-minded as possible,
with a bent toward being
more patient with those
who are dissimilar to me
in such profound ways,
and this profound difference
would likely cover an extremely
high percentage of the population
of this planet, so the possibilities are
endless regarding how one might attempt
to understand even that small portion
of difference, especially that which puts
others at a disadvantage, that exists for
individuals who are different than me.
but, and this might be most important,
i remember through each of these times,
which could be much more of a regular
occurrence, in which i take the time to
examine these differences, as times well
spent and times when it becomes obvious
that i will never really understand, and it is,
in the end, while good to spend time in such
contemplation, it is also arrogant, and even
sometimes inappropriate to even think i
have begun to get at it, these differences.
this is just one man’s way of looking
at such things so as to attempt to
know, to engage, and to empathize,
and as long as i keep doing it, surely
i’ll become more humble and a better
person, and perhaps i might even
advocate for those who do not have
it so easy as me. but spending so
much time telling you this might
sound like i’m just being elitist or
bragging about what i do. however,
i do think the more understanding
we all have the more equanimity
will exist. even though my voice
is so small, almost inconsequential
in the grand scheme. but that won’t
stop me from trying. awareness seems
in high demand and, to these eyes, all
too rare. i hope i’m doing okay with this.
and i certainly welcome any criticism
anyone might have, any ideas in which
i might become better as i go along.
because that is what i plan to attempt,
whether or not you ever hear me speak
of this ever again, it will remain at the
forefront, as much as i might keep it
there, because this seems integral to
my way of being and to the progression
of humanity, in ways it seems at times
of late to be lacking, if not missing, and
it is a quality that from my eyes,
insignificant as everyone else’s
walking through tokyo one afternoon
i passed the feminine annex. there
didn’t seem to be a lot going on. i
was very tempted to steamroll into
the facility with all of the femininity
that i could muster, which, truth be
told, while proud of my attempts,
would nevertheless have surely
been quite a disaster, a total
embarrassment. but this is,
as was once an au couraunt
way to suggest an indelible
aspect of who i am, and yet
now, surely, in that way in
which language and whatever
buzzy ways in which we relay
the things we relay about
ourselves become impossible
to stay on top of, probably
overly cliché, if not entirely
passé by now, the way
i roll. only i didn’t roll that
way on that day. and perhaps
i think too highly of myself that
it might even be any real aspect
of my true self. one thing that
i can say about this subject is
that any time spent in attempt
of working toward discovering my
feminine side, in that way in which,
within a guy, might exist, and while
i’m perhaps even a bit too overly-
gracious to be a guy, even a gay
one, and feel blessed and downright
lucky to have come into this world
as such (at least this time?), is an
invaluable thing on which to spend
distinct and focused time considering.
and doing the small things one might
perhaps do as a man toward such an
end, the work, placing myself in not-
so-comfortable yet notably always
imaginary constructs, anything
to get a better understanding of
those who are different than
i am, both inherently, physically,
whether by birth or upbringing,
in the decidedly much more
difficult world it is to find
oneself, as far as can be
imagined, without the
luxury of being able to
cloak oneself within the
comforting blanket or fog
of being male and all that
might entail. so, anyway,
it’s too bad i didn’t find
myself entering the lobby
or wandering down a hallway
toward the feminine annex,
but i do spend time wondering
what that might have been,
should i have taken such a
bold and perhaps even
unwelcome move. do
i seem at all threatening
to you? i have my few
requisite radical notions,
which come and go now
and again. and i try to
remain as hopeful and as
open-minded as possible,
with a bent toward being
more patient with those
who are dissimilar to me
in such profound ways,
and this profound difference
would likely cover an extremely
high percentage of the population
of this planet, so the possibilities are
endless regarding how one might attempt
to understand even that small portion
of difference, especially that which puts
others at a disadvantage, that exists for
individuals who are different than me.
but, and this might be most important,
i remember through each of these times,
which could be much more of a regular
occurrence, in which i take the time to
examine these differences, as times well
spent and times when it becomes obvious
that i will never really understand, and it is,
in the end, while good to spend time in such
contemplation, it is also arrogant, and even
sometimes inappropriate to even think i
have begun to get at it, these differences.
this is just one man’s way of looking
at such things so as to attempt to
know, to engage, and to empathize,
and as long as i keep doing it, surely
i’ll become more humble and a better
person, and perhaps i might even
advocate for those who do not have
it so easy as me. but spending so
much time telling you this might
sound like i’m just being elitist or
bragging about what i do. however,
i do think the more understanding
we all have the more equanimity
will exist. even though my voice
is so small, almost inconsequential
in the grand scheme. but that won’t
stop me from trying. awareness seems
in high demand and, to these eyes, all
too rare. i hope i’m doing okay with this.
and i certainly welcome any criticism
anyone might have, any ideas in which
i might become better as i go along.
because that is what i plan to attempt,
whether or not you ever hear me speak
of this ever again, it will remain at the
forefront, as much as i might keep it
there, because this seems integral to
my way of being and to the progression
of humanity, in ways it seems at times
of late to be lacking, if not missing, and
it is a quality that from my eyes,
insignificant as everyone else’s
view might relatively be, is
