Thursday, October 23, 2025

mmmmdccclxiv

I want to have fallen.
               —Kevin Killian

Freshly cleaned and clothed
and standing up, I venture out.

It’s not yet dusk and I can hear
the garbage truck just outside my

new windows, and the dozen or so
bins being rolled toward and then 

away from the truck.  Once the gar
bage is gone, so am I, out to door, 

into the not-quite-day.  What am I 
thinking of this morning?  Besides 

food, a job, turning in paperwork, 
the price of the paperwork that must

be turned in, dealing with the trough 
of a cold, almost out of cold medicine,

painting the banker’s lamp I nabbed
from the trash a couple of months ago,

I should do that today, I keep thinking
that most mornings and late evenings

before bed, either I should do that today
or I should have done that.  The broadest

thought is probably about how mundane
my life has been recently and is presently.

I am aware of the steps I should be taking
to escape such mundanity, but I lack the mo

ivation (and finances) to do so.  At least I’ve 
caught up on a few of the television shows 

that give me a bit of a lift, have already been 
reading this morning from a book by one 

of my favorite poets.  I should do laundry. 
And wash the dishes.  Truth be told, I haven’t

even showered.  I’m still sitting in bed as
I type this.  The garbage truck has come

and gone and dusk has arrived, from what
I can tell glancing up at the blinds, which

are closed.  The place is quiet, my new
place often is, but not this quiet, and that

brings me a bit of peace.  Not that I don’t
love the white noise of the city’s hubbub

most of the time.  Maybe my cold is getting
better.  I think it is.  Perhaps I’ll do that

stepping out metaphorically this morning,
do a bit of cleaning, write some, read a bit

more, maybe finish another episode or two 
of one of my favorite shows, then hit the

grindstone and dig back into the real work,
now that I’m able to do so after a month or

so of nonsense.  Yes.  It’ll be a productive
day.  And by the time it’s done, my cold

might be all but gone, and my life will feel
just a bit less mundane.  And so I shall try.

dusk - outside looking in