(Tossing out the garbage. Preparing for what’s new.)
It is 2025. These are strange times. Why not
note this with a year. There are always split
screens, but do there always have to be? May
be. In 2025. And it is Christmas Eve. Man,
what a shitty holiday season this one is, and
surely will end up being. So low on the list.
Obviously, the Fall/Winter Holiday Season
and New Year generally have been times of
significance. Among the strangenesses, a
lack of clear perspective. I, for example,
have been perhaps exaggerating how low
this season is on the list of all seasons, on
the list of the past decade of seasons. The
It is 2025. These are strange times. Why not
note this with a year. There are always split
screens, but do there always have to be? May
be. In 2025. And it is Christmas Eve. Man,
what a shitty holiday season this one is, and
surely will end up being. So low on the list.
Obviously, the Fall/Winter Holiday Season
and New Year generally have been times of
significance. Among the strangenesses, a
lack of clear perspective. I, for example,
have been perhaps exaggerating how low
this season is on the list of all seasons, on
the list of the past decade of seasons. The
Holidays, to my mind remain the worst time
period, a decade, too. How can I gain perspective?
I cannot trust myself. And I’ve so few people
around (I count three aloud, who, 1 with
more regularity, who really knew me earlier
than 2015 – there, I’ve split a screen – 1
who knew me from directly before the big
change, and 1 who is special to me but I see
around (I count three aloud, who, 1 with
more regularity, who really knew me earlier
than 2015 – there, I’ve split a screen – 1
who knew me from directly before the big
change, and 1 who is special to me but I see
perhaps once a year on average since, if that)
that, well, how can one truly get perspective.
To be unable to speak with anyone who knew
me back then. This seems to be the crux of
so many of the problems that have arisen in my
life of late, as I’ve for the first time ever dealt
that, well, how can one truly get perspective.
To be unable to speak with anyone who knew
me back then. This seems to be the crux of
so many of the problems that have arisen in my
life of late, as I’ve for the first time ever dealt
with everything on my own, or just with help from
a distance or from, alas, the government. My
few initially persistent attempts to make a
difference, to have more reality infused into
what was such an astounding and almost
unmanageable change. Hey, but I’m talking about
it, and I suppose I have with some consistency,
perhaps too much, but clearly, a bit more clearly.
How do you know what I’m talking about? So is
this directed to them, the folks who just faded away
all at once, some stating such damaging reasons (at
least they told me, at least they had them), others
just gone, some finally relaying nonsensical excuses
years later when I thought, well, at least I still have
that person in my life, there had been no harm, no foul.
But no. Not in the least. And the way each was unable
to or the way they decided to explain or not explain – the
few initially persistent attempts to make a
difference, to have more reality infused into
what was such an astounding and almost
unmanageable change. Hey, but I’m talking about
it, and I suppose I have with some consistency,
perhaps too much, but clearly, a bit more clearly.
How do you know what I’m talking about? So is
this directed to them, the folks who just faded away
all at once, some stating such damaging reasons (at
least they told me, at least they had them), others
just gone, some finally relaying nonsensical excuses
years later when I thought, well, at least I still have
that person in my life, there had been no harm, no foul.
But no. Not in the least. And the way each was unable
to or the way they decided to explain or not explain – the
ones who acted as if all was normal. I had gone through
what I’d not been able to imagine going through beforehand,
normal life events for some, devastating ones perhaps
or unimaginable for others. Merry Christmas. Who cares
what anyone thinks? Except. What I’ve been left with is
a mind-boggling set of circumstances that were and are
tragic. And damaging. Life, of course. But again, all at once,
and during what was clearly the most horrid duration I have
ever known. So toward the next tomorrow, it’s the same
what I’d not been able to imagine going through beforehand,
normal life events for some, devastating ones perhaps
or unimaginable for others. Merry Christmas. Who cares
what anyone thinks? Except. What I’ve been left with is
a mind-boggling set of circumstances that were and are
tragic. And damaging. Life, of course. But again, all at once,
and during what was clearly the most horrid duration I have
ever known. So toward the next tomorrow, it’s the same
thing as always, only at this point, considerably worse than
it has been for a few years. Silly, vague whining I’m doing.
I want to think for purpose. I want to be less vague,
rather simple. And the goals I’ve reached in this, 2025,
again with a timestamp, as opposed to each year previous
for about 10 to 12 years, GOALS MET – a wonderful trip
to South America, a new kind of relationship, dealing with
goals but not being able to meet them fast enough, making
if not friends, at least new acquaintances. None of this had
been accomplished since the set that vanished. I have such
gratitude for those three who are still around, what I call
the local three, and he two or three afar who have re
mained, who make such huge differences. I no longer
know the definition of family, real or chosen. The very
concept leaves me exhausted when once upon a time, giddy.
But I persist. And I’m not sure that’s good. At least without
significant change in my mode, in the way I go about it. I do
not like how these sound, these pieces I build upon lamentations
(chips on shoulders) and hopes, but they seem to insist upon
continuing to come, if but only, thankfully, on occasion. I do
a lot of reflecting at the end of the year. Things to get rid of
the grief of whatever has blanketed me, and ways to celebrate
the newness of what is to come. Next to concentrate on that
new stuff. Or that is to my mind how life best works. Sometimes
I get stuck. It would be an easy time to start to find myself
slowly being pulled into that quicksand. I will not let it happen,
I say to myself. And to you. With gratitude. Happy Holidays.
Less Garbage; More Movement on the Checklist!
I say to myself. And to you. With gratitude. Happy Holidays.
Less Garbage; More Movement on the Checklist!
