More attempts at getting to the heart
of a pretty difficult matter without the
bother of conveying all of the difficulty.
Because when I do the latter, as I some
times do, it seems to me that I’m bringing
on more grief, more tumult, torturing not
only myself a bit more with my attempts
at repeating the nature of my difficulties,
getting into the specifics as much or as
little as I do, but also dispensing the
tension outward to whomever might be
nice enough to pay attention. I don’t
want to do that. Certainly not today.
And besides, with all of the tools I can
use when going through the act of
piling these lines upon one another, for
whatever particular reason that I happen
to be doing so, besides the fact that this
happens to be what I do, that one thing
that I’m compelled and with discipline to
build under almost any circumstance, the
act of which (this writing) I have noted
has often saved my life or at least extend
ed it—anyway, to finish the thought that
I seem not to want to finish—given the
getting into the specifics as much or as
little as I do, but also dispensing the
tension outward to whomever might be
nice enough to pay attention. I don’t
want to do that. Certainly not today.
And besides, with all of the tools I can
use when going through the act of
piling these lines upon one another, for
whatever particular reason that I happen
to be doing so, besides the fact that this
happens to be what I do, that one thing
that I’m compelled and with discipline to
build under almost any circumstance, the
act of which (this writing) I have noted
has often saved my life or at least extend
ed it—anyway, to finish the thought that
I seem not to want to finish—given the
numerous devices which I can utilize
when doing this, surely there is a way
to express myself in way that can be
understood enough, a way in which
the delivery is much less stressful
than a rigid description without any
unnecessary flair? Oh, there surely
must be. I tell stories. I freely
associate. I understand the con
cepts of metaphor and parody and
whatnot, so surely there is a way
to do such a thing during which I
might lift my head high rather than
cower with it angled toward the ground
while doing so? Or is this just a way, as
it seems to me now, of doing nothing, of
saying nothing, of stalling with the problems
still burning within me. Please know that is
a rhetorical question. For I needn’t an answer.
when doing this, surely there is a way
to express myself in way that can be
understood enough, a way in which
the delivery is much less stressful
than a rigid description without any
unnecessary flair? Oh, there surely
must be. I tell stories. I freely
associate. I understand the con
cepts of metaphor and parody and
whatnot, so surely there is a way
to do such a thing during which I
might lift my head high rather than
cower with it angled toward the ground
while doing so? Or is this just a way, as
it seems to me now, of doing nothing, of
saying nothing, of stalling with the problems
still burning within me. Please know that is
a rhetorical question. For I needn’t an answer.
