mmmmmcii

Blow the Poem into Baloney

The chief scientist on board was
convinced that it would be a worth
while experiment.  At times he
would think that, aside from

those that come with a risk of exp
iration, most any experiment is a
worthwhile one.  But, sun of a gun,
this particular experiment came with

an extinction risk of which he remained
until the soggy end unawares.  Baloney,
as it turns out, blows.  Not only in the
exploding sense, but in the toxic sense,

in the Biblical sense, and even in that
risk of migrating plastics eventually
residing within the testicles sense,
whether it’s ingested, blown onto, or,

as was the case for those on the ship’s
deck, ever so gently blown up.  Fortun

ately, for the sake of neighbors and 

other lucky landlocked acquaintances 

of the family members left on the home
front, the chief at least had the sense
to perform the experiment asea.  He
thought his senses were steady, but

clearly he had begun experiencing
signs of brain-rot, perhaps brought
about by some of his earlier baloney
experiments.  Most curious about this

latest experiment was what happened 

to the men who worked belowdecks.
There was a serious misunderstanding
of some sort, or else the chief’s dementia

had been virulently contagious.  For
each of the coal shovelers and the rest
of the generic belowdecks seamen,
before the baloney blow-up, were

cradling infant-sized baloney loaves,
rocking them back and forth, with a

few kisse being blown at the tips of
each of the baloney babies’ imaginary

noses.  Some of the men who blew too
close found those noses quite tasty, but
refused to season them, choosing instead
to make baby noises.  Before the ship

sunk, each had laid down their baby-
lengthed, unsliced body of baloney and
had pinned a diaper around the loaf’s
meaty middle, or wherever each man

decided it was where its diaper should
be pinned. The assistant to the head of 

the blown up baloney incident had been
going around and taking notes, asking

each man cradling his baby-length baloney
belowdecks the sex of his child, despite
it being literally comprised of a few pounds

of cheap, non-sentient, unalive, soon-to-sink-

to-the-bottom-of-the-sea meats from various 

portions of various animals. As the ship
swooped about making its way to
ward the ocean’s bottom, the men

seemed rather astounded that their
babies seemed unaffected by the car
eening and the onslaught of incoming
sea-water.  Until each man drowned,

he was cradling his baby made of
baloney as gently as if it had been
his firstborn son or daughter.  When
word made it to the CEO of Science,

the Baloney chief scientist’s boss, that
the experiment had been the catalyst of
such a horrendous event, he wrote a brief 

suicide note and jumped to his death

from his office window. Ironically, for lunch 

that day, he had eaten the most delicious 

fried baloney sandwich that his wife had sent
with him to work as he left that morning.