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The Personality Booster

Did I introduce you to my new
Elephant? His name is
Lawrence. [...] You’re probably thinking how

Rotten I surely
Am to force this creature into subjugation.
Yes, well, I have needs, too. And I’m

Compassionate. The life it led before would
Rip the heart right out of you. I mean. Who knows how
Old a pachyderm dreams of living? But in the
Serengeti, man, life expectancy
Sucks! What else was I supposed to do?!