His lesions were legion.
—John Ashbery
Nowadays, there have
been times when just
a tiny bit of funny stuff
can turn me somehow
into one big blubbery
pile of the wettest mess.
But this, as it turns out, is
most notable in light of
the fact that, for most of
my life, it is rather that,
during times most anyone
would consider the saddest,
when I’m amongst the most
depressing lot that you can
just imagine, there have been
way too many instances that
have arisen when someone in
that downtrodden group, half
choked-up, says a few words
that are just mind-bendingly
sad, after the which there is a
long and particularly silent pause,
well, wherein I’ve but bitten my
lip good until it bleeds. And not
from hunger, hon, no. But that’d
sure be all kinds of ridiculous,
wouldn’t it, and at the very least,
in more ways than just one? But
rather, it is that I am so frightened,
that I might burst out with a big
belly laugh, having for some
reasons quite unbeknownst
to me and in no time flat
worked myself up into such
a lather that I've got a howl
that’s come to hover just right
here, behind my tongue and,
boy, is it about to rupture!
I cannot think of any time
when I, amidst a crowd
that for a time has stood or
sat so darkly quieted, due
to something horribly
depressing that has just
been said or done, but that
right after, just inside the
dark side of my lips does
this transpire: I bite, and
in exchange for the shriek
that such a toothy nip
would have most certainly
emitted, down goes the
laugh that could scarcely
have levitated even a split
second longer without an
ungodly seismic eruption.
Having long ago become
mathematically capable
enough, plus the tinny taste
of blood to which, year upon
year I’ve become so accus-
tomed, these days I barely
wince, and not because I did
not learn the hard way how a
shriek of pain can conceal,
that is, can cancel out, a
shriek of laughter. So I can
assure you all that as of now
I’ve no qualms at all, in fact
am quite readily at ease, in
justifying that a little scar
inside the lip, a bit of blood
to taste and then ingest, is by
and large a much more desirable
option, in my expert opinion, than
the alternative embarrassing spectacle.
