mmmdxcix

no. 7 – A Thank You Note to
            Delusions of Grandeur

                                       Some nights
     I’d give anything for a casual embrace.
     Meet someone on subway or street

     corner & live together forever.
                                    —Lewis Warsh

This is an appreciation of having a sense
of purpose. A particular purpose. I’d
rather not delve too deeply into this
sense for fear of succumbing to the
silliness of it, the ridiculousness of
what is really not just purpose –
I could say an elevated or higher
purpose, or come right out with
the notion that I feel like I’ve
been put here for a reason.
That I’ve a duty to perform
this reason, to see it through
to its end, best as I can. Which
means I believe in my pumped up,
egomaniacal self. And this is imp
ortant. How else would these lofty
notions be swirling around so? Sure,
I should be putting together better
strategies; I should have better than
a six-month or so plan that I never
quite get into the first month of. I
don’t even think I have all of the
answers, or even most of them.
But don’t I have a few of the
questions? Doesn’t it go a
bit beyond that? Why
preach for hour upon
hour, red-faced, in
support of anything,
if I don’t believe in
it? And purport to
listen intently to
my red-faced
companion, 

the two of us 

growing more 

and more adamant?

I’ve revised my plan
over and over again. And

over the years, it has been

honed down to just one word, 

all else seeming superfluous: 

listening. That’ll teach them! 

I am but a receptacle with no 

action. A barrel of knowledge with
nothing doing. A mere suggestion box
never once opened. This is when one
stops being a deity. “You’re doing well,
Del!” Sit. Breathe. Take a break for a
couple of years. Then, if still doing 

well, start all over again. 

Remember, though, 

there is only one life
and only one beginning. 

I’ll tell you when I get there.