“Earth to Stacy, come in
Stacy,” absurdist Earl
wanted a couple of lug
nuts, to be sure. Stacy
kept her distance, soap
ing up the dishes for a
second time, just to be
on the safe side. Earl
practically lived under
neath that console, his
primary objective there:
calling out to life on pot
ential proxy planets. “As
if!” thought Stacy, as Earl
skipped around in a bit of
a herky-jerky manner in
what used to be the living
room (“No living here,”
thought Stacy) for a
couple of spare lug nuts.
Little did Stacy know he’d
finally gotten through to
someone, to something,
and spent the rest of the
afternoon trying to ascer
tain whether they were
friend or foe. Earl always
assumed friend, figuring
that if there were foes,
the entire population of
the planet, if not already
decimated, would know
very well about their ex
istence by now. Stacy,
safer than ever, seeing
Earl in even more of a
tizzy than she had grown
accustomed to for the
past decade or so (“God,
and I could have married
Spencer Talbot,” she could
not help but think, as she
often did of late), went
about scrubbing and then
rinsing the dishes for a
third round, just to re
main in her own little
world. Earl had planned
to inform his wife once
he broke for a bit of a
nap, but by the time
he got to the bedroom
she was already snor
ing. That had been
shortly after midnight.
Before it was one o’
clock in the morning,
Earl would have the
misfortune of clearly
knowing which side
of the fence these
beings from outer
space belonged,
and as his body
evaporated from
their home of
twenty-nine
years of marriage,
reappearing in
a most elaborate
torture chamber
that came from
somewhere not
of his world, his
heart sunk, and
his thoughts, at
least when he
was able hence
forth to have
any, went lov
ingly to Stacy,
along with a lot
of regret, who
awoke to an
Earl-free home
at around about
seven in the morn
ing, and she went
about the day with
out giving this emp
tiness even a second
thought, until about
midnight that night,
when she broke down
in disbelief that she’d
been abandoned. Or,
rather than disbelief,
she finally believed,
knowing that Earl
was gone from this
godforsaken planet
for good. She never
washed another dish
as long as she lived.
