mmmmmccxiii

At First Sight

     & since you’re a charming creature please stay that way
                                                       —Micah Ballard

when you feel a presence in a room
electrical      a cross between a premonition
and a giddy shiver       the warmest gushing

but i don’t think you’re having a heart attack
now with a stance built with terror        who are you
here for?       with a voice that fills the room like a backed-up

toilet           but you light right up     crimson life     for 

whom are you here?    those big moments interspersed through

out your 20s and 30s      the ease with which, when first ex

periencing that piercing flutter upon entering a crowded 

room        becomes a kind of a return to familiarity      all fluttery

define shallow?     reeling in the five pound catfish with flair like 

it’s a fancy new acting exercise     the drama class you took for 

the experience of commingling artistically        oh he’s the cat’s

pajamas                mom always said that the way to a

man’s heart is directly through his stomach                red
cork bobbing a mirage out on the shallow river this after
noon           i’m not much of a cook       not much on

cooking      rarely do i get an even somewhat clear drive    i

cannot recall firing up the oven   ever     to be in charge of a 

home-cooked meal             so i brought the wine 

seeing at least two books by david sedaris on the living room 

bookshelf almost put me into a tailspin      how much of a 

disappointment the last half a dozen (or so) were       he is 

trying to remember    he is pursing his lips in an effort to 

shape the voice of a certain human’s name     i knew him     

you never did           i knew          i knew      the stilted 

living room      in the house that held you safe until you were

seventeen       he is out of here      a safety i had no idea 

i wanted                           i am so out of here