mmccclxxii

The Chinchilla Carpet

The harder the grasp, the

looser the hold.  Is it too

slippery or is it just me?

Would it matter if it were?

This is what I was thinking

as the ship set sail from the

harbors of Puerto Vallarta.

And this is what I think—

if think can be agreed upon

as these occasional flashes

that brighten an ever-expand-

ing void—as I lie here upon

what is certainly my deathbed,

my crippled fingers slowly but

spastically scribbling down—

for you—this one last line.

mmccclxxi

A Little Discipline Never Hurt Anybody

My Great-Grandma Molly

taught me how to play

dominos and Wa-Hoo

(a home-made board

game now sold as
Sorry™) on her 
front porch.  The 
soundtrack to my 

life is stunningly

springlike.  Last 
night lurked (with 
vibrato) instead of 

I worked.  Note that 
I’ve had a very sore 
left foot (see photo 
of limp, below).  

Grandma Molly also 
dipped snuff and

collected magnets.

Some of us have a

pair of little persons (?),

one on each shoulder.

Watch them stretch

upward to whisper

into your ear.  These

are optical illusions,

but can still be instru-

mental in causing

accidents and (for
some, perhaps) get-
ting into heaven.  Here,

have a bag of my hair.

mmccclxx

Selfness

Odd misreading

of Salinas.

Worked out

briefly

like meeting

Jenn for

1st time

in eons

heading down

to Selfness

after shopping

in Montreal

(misreading

Mom and...)...

mmccclxix

The Millennial Widow

This season, I’m finding it

increasingly difficult to

play the lead in this

tragedy, given the

absurdly exponential

amount of joy—

sheer ecstasy, really—

in this humble nut-

shell; my so-called life.

An electrical engineer,

the Hadron Collider,

and a nuclear reactor

walk into a bar.... 

mmccclxviii

Stories I’m Not Supposed to Tell         

          We’re reminded that

          Truthful is an antonym for romantic.

                       —Michael Malinowicz

The dilettantes terrorized

the hordes of drunken

Santas.  It had been

suggested (advised) that

this, our historically

jubilant metaphorical

commingling of blood

and market was to be

NO FUN this go-round

and so, donning masks,

(black and white photos

of our very own faces,

as it were, with eye-shaped

holes punched into the

appropriate spots), we

went about the day and

about the night terrorizing

the hundreds of thousands

of blitzed Santas (poor

sots) whose notices had been

left at home, seals unbroken.

mmccclxvii

She would probably kill

for me: my feelings are too stupid for words

                               —Michael Malinowicz

It would quite logically flow that,

if yesterday actually occurred,

I wouldn’t be sitting here now

attempting to relay my story to you.

My recollection is hairy.  By which I

mean it's like a fogbank.  Fogbanklike.

And while the pieces each and all are

vague, it hurts not to think about it.

My head.  It hurts.  My head.   Not to.

Try to remember.  My stomach growls.

Is empty.  Like pop quizzes in Physical

Chemistry, Calculus, and Modern Design.

As I try to imagine you

Less I think of you more.

                               —Michael Malinowicz

mmccclxvi

                             I want so little

             But expect so much.

                  —Michael Malinowicz

“Your discipline is charming,”

said the lady as the heater’s

fan blew the apartment’s

electrical circuit.  “Or do

apartments blow fuses

instead,” he thought,

“which, in turn,

annihilate circuits?”

And, furthermore,

“Fuses or fuse?  Circuit

or circuits.”  And,

later still, while the

crickets were chirping

at the circus: “I really

blew it this time,”

said the lady

blowing her nose

into yesterday’s funnies.

mmccclxv

My Vice

“My advice,

Madame Vice

President....”

said the victim

to the vibrating

device. 

mmccclxiv

Severe Turbulence

I’m on my last leg

in China.  If I have

to be at the office

in 33.5 minutes and

it is now midnight

in St. Petersburg,

what time do you

think I should hop

into the shower?

The icebergs are

melting in Burbank.

The ice, the owl,

and the Adirondacks.

mmccclxiii

Did You Remember to Take Your Medicine?

$ 1,423.00

$ 1,986.99

$ 1,012.40

$    207.85

$    800.00

$    100.00

$       15.87

­So let’s talk

      xxx

So no dough for

mmccclxii

Sunscreen Love U More

“Del will follow up to schedule

the call,” said the stuffed panda

slightly hidden from view on

the bottom shelf (just beneath

the printer).  We were both won-

dering who was showering,

following intently the sound

of the stream of the steamy

water spewing from the spigot,

the head.  We allowed our

thoughts to drift slowly down

the hallway. . . .   until “I

believe I need to tinkle.”

The poor panda didn’t even

get the whole thing out of its

cottony mouth before I was

up and down the elegant

halloway.  “Up and down,

up and down, up and down,”

the panda thought.  That’s

Canada without its three-

piece suit, for you.  Up.

and.  down.   It wriggled

its way off the bottom

shelf and rolled itself

into the walk-in closet.

For it was time to get

dressed and meet the

day (as they say).  “Oh

yes, I am!!” said the panda

to the naked apartment.

mmccclxi

Drugs, Sex, and Rock & Roll

Dim sum at Lychee Garden.

Then I dragged Otto out to

finally shop for some new clothes.

Picked up jeans, t-shirt, underwear,

shoes, then went dancing, supposedly.

Next-to-the-last-time at Mezzanine.

Arguing with myself during the walk

home.  Well, forget that.  Rain on

Sunday.  Talked with Fred.  Hung

out a bit with Yuki.  Worked

plenty on the new issue of

the magazine.  It’s looking

good, I think.  I flew home.

Sleep.  No, first Otto recited

various tidbits in study prep

for his Art History midterm.

Then sleep.  Then, here it is,

Monday.  I’m writing some-

thing so ugly that it includes

“war in Yugoslavia.”  My

new guilty pleasure is

reading poetry

by James Tate.

mmccclx

Infinite Flush

Flush it once

and it never

stops.  Flushing

like always a

bridesmaid.

Cherry red

to the bitter

end.  That’s

how you get

a croaked

spinster.  By

contrast, a

wolf can be

heard.  Its

tinny howl

splits the

silence into

two gargantuan

curtains.  You

know you’re a

goner when

the opening act

lasts forever

(and ever).

mmccclix

Hazarded abroad.

            —Forrest Gander

If the cops don’t talk about

sexism, who will?  Feeling

very clear, relatively.

Email untaught me

how to complete a

sentence.  Texting

sucks.  I broke two

thumbs trying to

come up with a

cure for flying.  And

when I finally made

the discovery, it

lost me two jobs.  Disc-

rimination against drug

use (it was just a silly

anecdote about Xanax). 

What, no howl?  I

suppose I should be

in on the joke by now. 

My attempts at comedy

often run afoul.  Here,

take a look at this graph

of the people I have

offended the most.

mmccclviii

Should I do this

or two coffees?

isn’t the name

of this cafe

Because (or

yet) Here.  In-

correct you are.

I sit in this,

my San Francisco

chalet, waving

a glass of

juiced brut

so that it

almost drools

over my Swiss

omelet like a

pair of tree’d dogs.

mmccclvii

A Beautiful Lunch

Suddenly, I feel

like my hometown.

Cokey, honest with

myself or anyone.

What a long after-

noon!  A day full

of baloney sand-

wiches, made

Japanese-style.

It’s a picnic,

of course!  And

you’ve tied a

bandana around

each pink Tup-

perware bowl.

mmccclvi

Does taking blames

on my horrible party

make me (any) dumber?

Does taking blames

on my horrible party

make me (any)

dumber?  Or partly?

Doing absolutely no-

thing useful would

make my weekend soar

into this sentence.

Hardly useless, the

impossible.  Get a

grip!  What can be

done?  I would like

to knit you a little

something.  Like

perhaps a jar full

of aging grapes,

a tugboat filled
with griping

apes, or an 
angry gravy

boat stuck in 

the middle of a

very bloated

moat.

mmccclv

Defending the Offensive

Would you like some

details of the defense?

Were I not the very

Red Devil himself,

at least to your

Emperor (and his Em-

press), they would

almost surely impress.