Where do they come up with these
insipid questions? he’s thinking. A
dude who came of age in the 1980s,
this guest had the concept of brand-
forward down to a science. An art.
He knew people who watched QVC for
hours, usually only half-watching it,
but it was on the television. He still
doesn’t understand how it is legal
to have prescription drug medication
advertisements run all hours of the day
and night now, not just that fifteen or
thirty minute commercial after the last
talk show ended back when he could
first officially stay up that late. What’s
he thinking?! Who is going to care
what my answer to this is?! That’s
when it dawns on him that maybe
the questions were meant to make
him seem insignificant, to bore the
fuck out of the audience, of the how-
many-ever millions who tune in. I’m
a freakin’ rock star! he reminds him
self before saying out loud Hell no!
and lifting his butt out of the un
comfortable chair and storming
right to the curtain, zipping between
the host and the audience whose
hours, usually only half-watching it,
but it was on the television. He still
doesn’t understand how it is legal
to have prescription drug medication
advertisements run all hours of the day
and night now, not just that fifteen or
thirty minute commercial after the last
talk show ended back when he could
first officially stay up that late. What’s
he thinking?! Who is going to care
what my answer to this is?! That’s
when it dawns on him that maybe
the questions were meant to make
him seem insignificant, to bore the
fuck out of the audience, of the how-
many-ever millions who tune in. I’m
a freakin’ rock star! he reminds him
self before saying out loud Hell no!
and lifting his butt out of the un
comfortable chair and storming
right to the curtain, zipping between
the host and the audience whose
every mouth was agape and at
the ready with their own response
to the dodo query about whether
to the dodo query about whether
or not they had ever purchased
anything from an infomercial, and
