—William Corbett
which sounds exotic,
doesn’t it? I’m on
pins & needles w/
excitement at the
moment about
going somewhere
I’ve never been
before: the lower
hemisphere of
this planet.
I haven’t left
the San Francisco
Bay Area in, it’ll
be ten solid years
in a few short months.
I haven’t been in an
airplane in nearly 15.
Flying scares me into
a terror. At some point
I dispensed with that fear,
turned 40 in Paris, and flew
all over the place in a mere
3-year period. This has be
come too confessional; I
feel so old and embarrassed
and small. And my mind
is stirring so that I can’t
focus on a thing. It’ll be
a wonder if I make it on
to the airplane this afternoon.
ll this humiliation is to say
that by the time I get back,
in some 17 days, I hope to
be rid of the anxiety that
dwells within all of these
thoughts, to have perhaps
recaptured a bit of my
youthful adventurous
gung-ho, ending the
standstill of the last
10 or so years and
moving into the
giddiest period
ever. And may
it last and last,
never stop, even.
Well, that may be
a bit too much.
But I do hope
this trip helps
me look at the
past 10 years
without thinking
it was all less than
living, even and
especially if by
comparison to
what comes
next diminishes it,
that by the time I get back,
in some 17 days, I hope to
be rid of the anxiety that
dwells within all of these
thoughts, to have perhaps
recaptured a bit of my
youthful adventurous
gung-ho, ending the
standstill of the last
10 or so years and
moving into the
giddiest period
ever. And may
it last and last,
never stop, even.
Well, that may be
a bit too much.
But I do hope
this trip helps
me look at the
past 10 years
without thinking
it was all less than
living, even and
especially if by
comparison to
what comes
next diminishes it,
puts it in its place,
shows me clearly
how I could not
have gotten here
from there.
