cxliii

this metropolis. what i have. is foglifted before eleven. is fog. is
didn’t lift til around eleven. my arms around the physics. is swiftly
walking in the fog, brushing your hand. brushing your hand swiftly.
is fog didn’t lift. i lost a little. a little arm in love eleven days. first
time in a long stretch. it is lifted in me. lifted. didn’t lift. mostly lifted.
the best ever. is this little metropolis. or of last night a darker little
metropolis. a warmer than the day. i am inside. a night warmer than
day. under a bridge. crumbling again. not so swiftly. i am holding
your hand swiftly. single file through the construction. crumbling. no
fog. block by block, holding your hand. warmest is. warmest ever
night. warmer than the day. i am next morning waking up next to you.
i am next. next morning. is showering with you. is scrubbing. with
mint shampoo. my little metropolis. this fog. this didn’t lift. i love
this fog. i love this fog of you. i am. this fog in me. i love what
happens in my heart with the fog and without it. everytime and
everywhere, brushing your hand, crumbling, handholding, swiftly,
slowly, under a bridge, day or night. now it’s noon. something sweet.
is something. is gone. was fog. fog’s gone. was brushing your hand.
this crumbling fog.

cxlii

I lost him?

on the edge of

Pennsylvania

and New York.

a friend calls from somesuch

says she is pretty much sleeping.

having slept now for many years.

HOT today.

pillow on top of lap.  laptop on top of pillow.

I took a nap beside Jamaica Pond.

three honks.  hazy.

I took a nap on a park bench underneath a big oak tree.

I stop calling, stop worrying.

he is safely inside of my heart.

cheep cheep twitter chirp.

bonjour Barber Joe.  bonjour birds.

cxli

now let me take the time to absorb it.
my reconciliation and more.
a sogged roof.
instant messages, quickening
my decision to call in sick,
my moving forward or sideways;
mouthing up to the raindrops.
there’s a whole lot to swallow.
what remains is obviously
the most important. to find it
somewhere in the bins,
the boxes i’ve yet to unpack.
take everything
simply
as it comes to me.
the cleanest of all
rain showers
cleansing the rooftops,
the sidewalks,
the rusted pipes and the escape ladders.
do i walk out the doorway?

cxl

keep the awareness.

we are officially
‘seeing each other’ again.

patter of rain.
eucalyptus berries.
berries?  wet,

lingering.
was i able to ascertain...what,

that the trip back was longer
than the trip down?

and my nerves.
MY NERVES!

which is worse:
break-ups,
elections
or death?

cxxxix

today i was
driving home
in the rain
thinking about
a poem entitled

to my brother who held my grandmother’s hand as she died

cxxxviii

it is this lake of love
between Knoxville and Nashville
a poetic claw in my heart
like the tip of the brine-sopped rock
I climbed

seeking not the tenderest avenue
nor the thunderest
ceilingless

here
in a place called The Bean Pot
Dad called
he wanted me to stay with him

for my grandmother
I buy the blackest jacket

the Appalachians are peaceful
and movingly eventful

I feel very scruffy and I have to pee
(there is nothing left to scratch)
puke until you forget your country

cxxxvii

my grandmother
died today

I got to tell her
I love her

now, 7am
Chambersburg, PA

driving home
and last night

and today
my job

quickly
drive through Maryland

in these shoes
I’d rather remember

hence a burst bruise
over the bay

another cup
and I’ll be there

cxxxvi

I can’t break it off.
All this text.
Then, in the middle of the day, I write with it.
Checking out two library books,
right after getting my first two fillings ever.
Guess what? Rainy season is here!
About life’s organization, or lack thereof:
the ego is maintained;
the ego flourishes;
a contemporary compendium to ego;
ego on a platter.
It’s not really ego.
How many egos?
Let’s play the game of being back in the routine;
in front of a magazine rack
watching what people pick off the shelves.
In the sandbox with egos.
With nails and teeth.
Hammer and brains.
And this cute kid is looking at—what—
guitar magazines?

ccxxxv(a)

Two crows divulged in a hood and I,
Sitting on a parkbench in the Common,
Watched two ducks glide across the pond,
Listened to a variety of duck languages.

And now for a swan. A swannish language.
After I press “record” I become an addict.
After I eat the peach I get a hard-on.
The fork in the road never looked better than in my mouth.

Please don’t leave me alone with a capitalistic culture.
Please don’t flash me two crows on a runway
Sexed out in such inappropriately costumed flesh
That all the other birds have flown beneath the canopy.

Having just been cruised with severity,
I’m not sure how much we have resolved.
However, it was a nice conversation.
Okay, now I’m about to fall asleep.

cxxxiv

Even though the day
got ugly I embraced
my insecurities. I admit
that I am an obstacle
for potential buyers.
Having just paid for
my new apartment,
I went walking
around the
cemetery. Factor in
my attitude toward
profits from referrals.
It’s beautiful,
eerie. He
accused me
of being a bad
boyfriend. I
emphasized my
consumer gains. Why
I was a poet. A
scrapbook. Of
tombstones.

cxxxiii

This morning I woke up on the
wrong side. My core business
was on administrative leave.
Where is my head? Somewhere
outside of Bangor, Maine. Both
the number of accounts and dep
osits were up a quarter at the
family cottage with a double bed
and electric heater. Regulators
do not appear to have been in
volved. I’m sitting on the boat
dock which has expanded into
new markets. It is so beautiful.
The two of us submit a merger
application. The waves roll in.
Above the cruise ship last week
it cooled down just in time for
some new leaves. We’re looking
for ways to increase transaction
volume. The sky over the awe
struck cityscape, it began to rain.
I packed for my trip, he said I’d
always been there for him, he’ll
be moving for good, would it
be okay if he stayed with me?
Changeoffs and delinquencies
rose just as the triangulation
dropped. I had brocolli, spin
ach, and mental stability. All
the whitecaps have erupted.
Now look who’s cocky.

cxxxii

Well, now I’m splurging. I had a veggie
sandwich and a national thrift charter.
Also I’m having my feet baked. Anal
ysts say they are quite prominent. It’s
the most food I’ve eaten in a month!
This, along with significant brokerage
and trading operations, makes it time
for coffee. I met him online. That’s the
power of love. It shifts the burden of
processing bad payments, or, makes
two wrongs right. Consumer lending
stayed strong, beef fell to the floor. But
I am not focused on acquisitions. I swear
I’ll call to make sure the savings plan is
in place. And then maybe I’ll just give
him my keys and tell him to have at it.

cxxxi

days go
a cat
breathes
loud
two rooms
somebody
steps up
a triple decker
says go days
go breath
breathe my name
for them
a cemetery
somebody
somebody left
we travelled
loud
with flowers
misses
who misses being
just walk
tired of wanting
days go
worry
why do I
let myself
worry
a loud day
an inescapable
mouth

cxxx

the moon is purple.
the television reigns blankly.
the coffee waits for the phone.
laundry, simple
messages after
each paycheck.
a motorcycle drones,
the distant hillside wasps,
those lights,
the yellow ones
which sparkle or
glint.

I finish what I’ve
just begun.

cxxix

suppose some twisted caper on the carpet
some crime of sucking and falling like wise men
all through the interesting night and the progressive day
some pre-relationship jazz all the way through elopement
some star-studded belt slipping off and into the landscape
rolling down the dreamscape and into the living room
where we watch French movies and read
modern poetry                 suppose
blading from downtown into the darkness
suppose it was all very good except for the exotic
and getting a little depressed about the money
suppose this sweet ritual we’ve been practicing
in the yellow room
suppose when I bust a hole in my shirt
we don’t have to feel bad about it
the truth is only in the skin
suppose some swollen dictionary appears and we grab it
and we honestly deal with it
we blow it and we get truly involved

cxxviii

most people don’t think.
it’s the same with Hollywood.
losing five pounds don’t think.
it’s the same with the poached salmon salad.

I’m poor. so what?
we can still see the fabulous men.
it’s the same with Hollywood’s
famous cooks and restaurants.

we had a nice long talk. things got ok.
I lost five pounds.
this time over a haircut.
he was trying to provoke me.

well, he just called.
these pills are calling me in the gut.
my gut sure doesn’t like it.
doesn’t like the poached salmon salad.

I’m poor but I will get my haircut
from some guy watching 8½.
two years ago today was
my first trip here with...

cxxvii

     I’ve seen people roll their eyes at you.
                 —sitting in the Westin (kicking the bucket)

     The people who believe this lose two pounds per week.
                 —where one flirts (not a drink til July 24th)

     But I can do anything.
                 —on the red-eye watching The Manchurian Candidate
                 —Cameron Diaz is terribly moody

     Meet more folks in the mall and we’re gonna have dinner somewhere.
                 —remember...the kisses at bedtime both times I stayed over
                 —through the window we could just see the chandelier with wings

Light bulbs with wings.
We couldn’t go inside.
The hill was very steep.
We wanted it.  Each of us wanted it differently.
Look back at the bay view.

cxxvi

there’s a butterfly in the dryer
with the blue sheets

today I worked my stained
blue slacks and old white shirt

my orange tie under wraps
but in a nice location

I don’t know what cries
behind the closet door

(but it’s no more poetic than the
droll garden with its hums and the

other hums from where the trashcan sits)
even though I can’t feel half my

self I’m out of the frying pan
and into the lotus position

look it’s a nut in the sky
tiny tiny

cxxv

too sacked out in a relationship
a communist in two necks of a nip
too much is two much is not free
you mustn’t change you know how much
to appreciate three you mush you mush
even out the three pricks but don’t you wish
each came at least thrice oh
orange rush oh too blue blight oh red Stalinist
oh obstacle on a commuter rail to
Rhode Island America’s Providence
and speaking of dread in a
three-car pile-up I cuddle my
pillow and rollover a communist
then I nip two maybe three distant
dreams in the rearview mirror
snap two photographs of bridges
one at least is objective one is
humanism one is an uncle’s tongue
ending in love with some other tongue’s
distant need and hence I do this a
one and a two and a three

cxxiv

sitting in front of his apartment
on a fine summer day

ch-ch-chicken with jalepeños
and bleeding rollers is so Disney

is so D-D-D-Disney’s new flick
which goes good with the diet thing

my telephone asks me how many
blocks from Post to California

and I eat mostly nutritious stuff
and coffee with Equal (no blue

skies it’s sweltering) on a fine
day with a scrape and superspecial

dental treatment (walk-in) mom
says she is officially diabetic again

I am hungry but my gut is doing
poorly shit should I buzz his door again

cxxiii

The teacher can see me.  See.
I’m having a sports smoothie
to clear my mind.  I can’t be
funny.  Text by thumb I
solemnly swear.  I know my
connection is very good.
Work brain work.  One of
the guests said the canopy bed
is “nasty.”  P.S. I’ve stopped taking
Prozac again.

cxxii

a new coolness and a crack
pot whose son is about

to go away into the Navy
I had such a good time

tender and green in the
laundryroom breeze

today’s coach approach is
something of a dithering

sweat gland near toasted
tips of Partridge Family

the entire pack parties
in a red punch bowl

I just called him up on my
Norman Mailer cellphone

said hey mister not that you
care but I’m unavailable

cxxi

Your trips to the country
over a bombardment of fears...

I wonder...if I examined the months
that had the most quality

would I still have a Band-Aid
around my thumb? (rollerblade injury)

This from walking by online:
‘Latest in Sexual News!’

I dunno...It’s more what I
dreamt about him last night...

Today we plan on
skating along the Charles

and around the Christian Science
Mother Church.

cxx

I’m glad you have confirmed
he graduated recently

and confirmed is he a
producer and a some kind of writer

it is a right more barefoot
than the sweet praying mantis

or the gills in the cinema
swallowing like they wanna be full of

and needed less by a loved man
a bit cheesy is it

there are many different ways a fog can roll
sloppily over the backdrop or through it

cxix

the romance of Botolph’s in the cafe
of the barefoot moon which had found me
in its romance was almost eating up the
lost smoke of the fourteen hills

I’m no boyfriend

being there for a while in the dark
was lost in the romance of the buskers
and topped off with a swinger bar
on Tremont where we had no dinner

all the sparks figured in

that moon at Botolph’s when we just
splashed our faces with a little
grapefruit into the vodka was when
the romance ate me up

it had been a while

cxviii

eat my potato chips
two swallows
fuck it

French licked
eucalyptus
fuck it

start coffee
plum-colored
flowers

cxvii

my eyes work well in this light
and why do I always start with

the smaller stuff
the bigger bangs

o wot a web of events
eating ankimo and scrood in the head

in the sweat of the fog
a horsefly

your eyes flit from everything but me
to everything but me

they are such eyes
I send them some purple flowers

and they says it has to be a
two bedroom deal and it

has to be cheaps
boy they’s gotten shitfaced those eyes in

mourning of my birthday
and of course they’s a total dork

the saké is always unfiltered
so we got lost driving me home

that was actually fun
like those years we was so fucked up

but now for my goal of
writing a novel before I’m 33

cxvi

Today I am 30 and purple roofness.
I got a total of one and a half birthday
cakenesses.  I shared one and broke down.
We invited many to the housewarming.
By the end of our conversation we were
both balding.  Me me me.  In country
and western time.  Then I licked his
bonus and felt the building shake.  This
from the 28th floor.  I’m 30.  Time for
tightest goals or goalnesses.  Exercise
da da done no nada.  These are just bits of
the $500.  Weak paycheck in the recycle
bin.  A new apartment!  Drive a silver
car across the world with the loveness.
Same thing as always this mutability
only this time better.  Better mutableness.
Better booklist blergkhness.  Today I am
a total of one and a half birthdays break
ing down.  Automatically deposited.
I shared one housewarming and by
the end of my 30s I was bouldered.
Boulderness.  In the country and
western.  Marry domesticness and
clean up after self.  Yes and this from
a child of many five hundreds.  Five
hundred five hundrednesses.

cxv

autobiographical
ant leaf crosses
Loretta

conservative skaters
roll $400
into 401k

screwed by
a wise ass
one thing about green couches

hid your red
smile in
the pillow

big lily pads
broil
vocabulary

looked bayward
crawfish with
choked cat

I’m harboring
resentment
which equals feelings

cxiv

apartments. 3 super stockings in 1. the sex is
     wrinkled. I guess it’s bees. but
there weren’t any plan bees. a glad slob in a car.
     super foggy movies are
dire. it’s a serious TIME TO GET YR ASS
     together ones and twos.
14 screws. everybody stripped I know.
     I haven’t written ok.
the green banana on the telephone reminds me
     of the movie forever.
chaps locked up in somebody else’s suit
     case. locked for a week.
three times three is one less than two by four.
     moping broke and. one
banana less than among other reasons for
     feeling super today is the
super lips. in the palm of. my hand. is.
     I don’t feel right exorbitant.
feel right apartment. terribly. lovely highlights
     and dance numbers 1, 2 and 3.
last couple weeks Amherst going away party
     and the new geodesic kitty box.
seriously wrinkled. it pisses guesses off. can’t be
     happy happy or happier?
new apartment. footsteps. around the corner and le
     French girls feline. meaning beeline
about jobmarket on Belden this Friday. oui
     Friday Friday. French Friday.
I’m terribly broke til next payday. but I’m interested.
     interested in cognitive
theory. as it relates to memory. mem cogs.
     very nice and cute. oh
mandatory screw mtg. 3 new tools. revolutionary
     supposedly. a little checklist whereby.

cxiii

sorry one
kick-ass
sea breeze
I guess

and he
with whom
I wuz
wuzzing
was not
so kick-ass

four cham
pagnes
and a
card trick
or two or
three later
tho and

he seems to be
getting into
the yellow
sheets

but it’s me
nobody really
knows oh

I met another
cute 19 yr old
last night

his friends
and phone numb
ers had lots of
thick black
hair in the
moonish
ness

cxii

the junk outside. the barefoot trees wept rain.
a cafe debuted its supermodel, a yummy pumpkin.
stuck him in the bed with me and the new yellow
sheets.  working hard working is what we were doing.
haha his mouth was a purse filled with new nickels.
because this small apartment fits us just right.

we plump up just to spite the pears and the wine.
one comes here to witness such side effects.  e.g.,
a love birthday with imaginary wisdom teeth.  yanked.
it is effective.  we love the sex because it is crisp.
the sheets do this to us.  and the sofa burns in hell
along with all of its fantastical sins.

we are less excited to boogie.  the rain stomps on the
flesh-colored slipcovers.  an august romp makes doing it
hotter than ever.  how does one imagine it better?
honestly if a poem is so subtly soluble why bother to
stir anything up?  yet nothing is lovelier, huh?
so for breakfast we enjoyed the elm trees.

our bread tasted like lips and the furniture
always needs rearrangement.

first published in High Horse

cxi

true as often as not the sprigs of April
make me freak lately I just walk and walk
I always enjoy doing that though my

kitchen is a disaster I walk where the willow
and the pigeon and the secret lies of taxis
lie as true as often as I freak in April

I come as often as the sprigs of April
in the bueno underwear of my colleagues
but it is your size of secrets that I adore

I did not come in your underwear toward
the willow and the pigeon in those famed
steeple tops of your good-sized sprigs

this is not funny but I freaked you under
there and I always enjoy doing that in the
VIP area where true as pigeons I walked

I do that even though I always say I don’t
yes and lately I’ve been walking majorly
to the shore to the one shore where in April

if I destroy your pillow I make love to your
pigeon and it will help me write this

no freak no I love you in the burbs at half-mast
listening to reggae with the willows

no no I freak in April in the willows and the
pigeons freaking is the most love I’ve ever known

cx

one day of first being in a new fog
then after a coffee that rolls off the bay
there are a few sneezes and a recognition

that lately he’s talking about visiting
somebody so I ruffles my feathers
and read the weathered banker paper

what rolls like water off a duck’s
back and works like crushed Prozac
is all the sneezes he can sneeze

he says my ego is better than his
which makes this a most excellent day
it’s not come a moment too soon

should I be counting the days
until I turn 30 or interviewing the
vice presidents re their mktg contacts

hell I was trying to find the word
bricoleur in any number of locales
and what I kept preferring to enjoy

was this picture next to my stapler
red erect and looking somewhat to the
left with slightly chapped lips

cix

we got to go to
the arbor eatum

we hafta listen to the
CEO over & over

chickeninParis plus
reaching the beaches

all witches a comparison
to maddening cuz I

just wanted to know
when you landed

and then I was cheeked
and flipped thru the

channels fully bitten
ensnaggled as I could

only’ve hoped of a movie
where we hookedup

andtalkedandtalked
all thru the neighbor

hood we grew up in it’s
sometimes uncomfort

able developing re
lationships

in the arboretum
with the CEO


first published in High Horse

cviii

are the legitimate things
inside my chocolate wrapper

the things I look for which
aren’t so very cold and fickle

what if I don’t want to rem
ember the hair in my food

last night’s fettucine and
basil over an argument

is it the same as the desire
to only remember dessert

like the peach crisp
I lost the pecans for

how is memory related to
someone who is motivated

and can take control of a
home we fight roosters over

especially the one which I love
and can get love back from

cvii

I regret to suddenly announce
that we are moving in a coded streetcar

it’s absolutely nothing but work
and a smoldering wave of depression

spring is a beautiful flirt
drunk on weekends

I belong to nothing but hookups
where my life is right up to the second

he’s such a jerk in the sink
of one of my most circuitous flings

the root of all evil has no options
and the dumbest of chuckles

first published in High Horse

cvi

we got something really delicious
in our eyes for most of the day
it was hot and the color of the car
that was worried about getting towed

most of the heat at Capp’s is
not the kind of heat that you expect
and for that matter most of the pasta
begins where the poems end

e.g., they begin with something tragic
which doesn’t bite
I mean there we were the three of us eating
and it was really very funny

sometime after the mosquitoes
was the sesquicentennial of a
little town in Missouri
where we bought a few groceries  ugh

I told them I wanted a poem
with more curve and a bottle of merlot
these were both advertised on AOL
while we were flirting with the car

and all I got was this online drinking
and most of the poems had mosquitoes
who then got lost and flirted more
and I think may have even danced

so I got more myself on the drive home
yeah I mean completely lost it was so lovely
like being on one edge of the bed after
walking home with our pear and berry juices

cv

what a dull end of the week making for many magical colors
however I’m cheery peonies at the flower IHOP
with him who was just rubbing and driving around my head
so I asked him for an endless hypervivid coffee

no zombies for lunch
however my beautiful leafy life with lots of
daisies coming out of my ears is absolutely
starving his eyes making for many magical colors

what good rubbing up against the metal I told him to come
thoroughly because he couldn’t find a parking place
even though the fever roses and the geraniums were
nutso on a Thursday night

they are all music to my eyes which are also brown
and thoroughly become full of every color
you’ll agree even though I can see you thinking
a positively handsome torpedo goes nutso over my head

civ

Did I mention the allergies,
the dentist of the trolley,
the wurst on my tongue,
the sushi in the groove?

I prep my needs for
the bluest bedtime,
along with the removal
of my two wisdom teeth,

plus four major
intensive cleanings.
It’s thirty with a bang
and a few whispers over

childhood stories.
“Don’t forget what you
learned,” he says to me.
“What you saw what you

had what you can what
you wanted.”

ciii

it’s about the blowfish
what a beautiful dilemma

a quest in the bathroom
with my ex and some moral support

a love that is left in the
blowfish which had to cry

it’s in the bathroom of course
where we wind up getting drunk

and he never has to talk again
this is how to cut it

of course after it was all over
not only my love was left

but what I told him when we
went to the bathroom

which hints a bit
toward my dilemma

I’d been starting to suspect
that I told him to go away

the simplest quest for some
moral blowfish

this routine that’s left
when we get pissy with love

that’s what was left when I
told him to go away

he just went ballistic and
got all bent out of shape and said

could you please tell me
how to cut a blowfish

I said never talk to me again
this is the love that’s left

cii

riding on the
blue train on a
day I am debted
on the train I am
a small glass of
blue water and
I am determined
to drink coffee
and be a poet
on the itinerary
where I guess I
can make a dollar
riding on a blue
checkbook on a
day I am indebted
I guess I’m always
marching to a
new leaf
a small glass of
Galileo
trying to turn over
a new itinerary
riding on the
coffee but this time
it’s a blue inker
on a day I am
trying to turn over
and be a poet
I guess I’m always
a new leaf
riding on the blue
train I turn this time
to see the face I’m
only loving
it’s a little bit of a
a new face it’s
a bit of a
blue inker
but this time
I really think I
see it
I guess I’m always
marching to a
newer leaf

ci

serious dwelling in its
beautiful cloudiness
where nothing else happens

yes, it’s short for Delusional

was supposed to be dinner
with the talking weatherman
seems okay yes it’s nice

he sounds capable

smells like warmed boards
a little bird is sleeping
with an ounce of decency

possibly is sleeping with anyone

listen for the likes of
do and did for the flutter
of he looks at me and asks

it’s just dripping is all

confirmed my feelings and
closes his eyes and confirmed
or suspected of crymemore

remember sharing a banana split

c

it’s a beautiful spring day
of the “L” word

I’m barefoot and fresh from
a longtime cafe with
a broken lamp

after a couple of dates
one of the dryers
downstairs is
messed up again

it’s screwed
and this morning
I laughed at

it’s a boombox bag
on your back
at Border’s

it’s obvious
so much for a
decade of difference

anyway
nothing compares
or has changed
or is seemingly regretted

the “L” word
keeps calling
a few times

he’s buttered
the flies in his
Warner Bros. mug

a Hawaiian shirt
an ode to a
heart racing with vodka
and a cool breeze
coming in from the north

xcix

“don’t get so close to that car”...
it’s more engaging now, the sun,
the soundtrack, the olives.

four brunches later, I was saying
the guy was pink with...

I was saying a guy I wanted
sitting next to me, looking kind of
pink with a rum and coke.

I got nervous that he could read
what I was writing. the olives, the
sunset, the soundtrack....

reverse / the guy’s driving
forward to the olives.
now I’m worried and go up to the phone
hung up in my ear.

not intentionally high speed,
the car with the raindrops and its
one foreign windshield wiper.

an internet where maybe his
parents are holding him captive.
the boyfriend who walked out
because he didn’t see anything worth waiting.

the pinkest love of all is when
we both face the new painting
and the noise rings nine of his
top digits.

no, the noise rises to something like
a dancehall we decide not to enter.
instead we drive through the rain
and fall asleep on the couch.

I almost lift you up from the couch
ringing in my ear.
you are soundly.

you are the olive is I love.
like what I must have known is forever...

xcviii

he wants me back he says I’m lost I’ve lived
yes it’s the day of the U-Haul truck where
40,000 hearts make their living on eBay
this rain’s drained and blown for 3.65 years

and I wants him back too employed and same
same place gone crazies and feelings for
a Uniball Gel RT med (blue) with light rain
over a love over all of the red running pants

and I’m still in love laughing under a wet flag
so all over the effort of the green jackets
so over it that I don’t know what I feel in a
green jacket-sleeve that’s too long in Cantonese

it’s the oblivion of a rainy April afternoon
and he wants me back under this place where
he’s gone crazy with the spinach or whatever
watching that Pontiac burst open like a sun

xcvii

is it an earthquake
or just my heart beating

no more crystal geyser will
help take my mind off the missing

tax day and life is all but
what it was last year about this time

2:16 and the beer rolls by
it’s one noisy vehicle

he sent me a crazy e-mail
blue as a bay without wheels

how much political savvy
explains my weekend

your mercedes rolled over
a rolling rock beer

therefore the beer answered before
your lips

please come back to me
and something like

i’m not gonna write anymore
i’m in a secret mood

come back before you
get a flat tire please

xcvi

it’s been seven years
of monster crushes

I didn’t even finish
that thought

two movies of
I’m sucking

third Jim Carrey
of way too drunk

everything off and
under the covers

third week in a row
Friday ritual

today’s is made in
my very own cubicle

with a tall rectangle of
foggy bay

we broke the spell on
Saturday morning

he told me I had to
pick between the two

I just said with clarity
stop leading me on

if this one’s in Venice
the other’s in my bed

how to deal with
those kinds of hours

at the pizzeria where
the rumors progressed

he said who’s inside
of whom and then

writing doesn’t make me
feel much better

xcv

I left my book at work
and what a pisser

it’s raining until the
blue water rises plus

today at work once
again I pretty much

did nothing but
took the W-2 out of its

cherry envelope and
tada a seductive devilish

hottie that misses me
damn near said so

that remark’s a walk
umbrella-like thru

Chinatown and for
some reason

he’s never where or
when he says he is

what a dorky
high-school hangout

don’t forget Saturday’s
personal fitness fiasco

a groundhog glumletter
if ever there was one

xciv

a French interpretation
of a scratchy chin
which is what I felt like
when I ate the other banana

he’s thoughtful though which
I keep thinking of
while you are at the
Tate Modern

whatever sexually coded
messages I find myself
in the magnitude of
these last few months

is to spend every evening
like writing poetry
and minding your Aquafina
still on my marble table

xciii

I ate one of the bananas you left.
There’s one more in the kitchen.
Your Aquafina is still sitting
on the marble table.

I got blottoed and majorly kissing.
I got so lost. I slept over.

The fog was disorganized chaos.
Or that’s what the calendar said.
I walked alone
clasping my cellphone.

I can’t even imagine the stuff I said.
I can’t stop thinking about
those kisses.

Your chicken-scratch on my
old notepads. Still here.
Your Mediterranean itinerary
inside my computer. Still here.

xcii

I’m not gay.

I’d like to clear that fact up right now.

It’s just the biggest blizzard I’ve ever been a part of.

We started talking and talked for an hour.

The fog hid Coit Tower from my mother.

In retrospect, yes, I dated him for a few months.

But I did not actively participate.

To remind me that he still has my watch.

And he’s throwing a party on Saturday.

It was a dark roof.

We were walking home from some club

and he shoved me up against a vined brick wall

and started tonguing me.

I had the hots for the red-headed kid.

The inclination to just dive into trouble like that.

I paid my dues and that was that.

Twenty or so inches of snow.

Even if I did occasionally watch baseball,

after Thanksgiving,

in a sports bar,

with someone I thought was perfect

who held my hands in his,

on the table next to the green napkins.

xci

here I am wired for days
on coffee and cold medicine
mine is not a peculiar
marginalization
no coat necessary and I
am being paged
suddenly I am incredibly
horny so many fish
in the sea
there’s fish-face everywhere
relax relax it’s hardly strange
that I want logical emotionally
stable cultured and
politically aware people not
asking for a celestial marvel or anything
I start back up on the Prozac
the sky opens and erupts
and spews this lava-like stuff
all over Missouri
so we all have to skeedaddle
just like the love that’s left Londonly
on its very own jet-plane

xc

I was boring a date yes
of a healthier lunch

it was all so very natural
a smooched hook tbd

a line of weathered Portuguese
a weakened telephone

a pas de deux on a ripcord
a milk pop and a baklava

of which we will not ski
tho I am not so sure my head is

a search turkey of the taters
and a corn of the buns

and then a destroy
a gushing rain of gushing

do my hands seem as if
oh thank you thank you god

a where is the big news
of the sold-out storm-cellar

a get to the driven soul
of a barking like an ape

way up front of my house
we was under the weather

feeling so good of a noon
with loose-lipped eyes

and then I lost the car-kiss
inside a beautiful rummy

lxxxix

I just broke up
at the pool table

a dragon roll
of grief

I burnt my wrist
on the radiator

felt empty
bought Murphy’s

Oil Soap
relief

got two Xmas
presents

a webcam
an imported

kiss that was
softer than normal

lxxxviii

a froth coffee
a weak nut
a leche cerulean
a philosophy wheel

I wanna take my
blasted tie off it’s
Monday and I’m drama
and not intellect

he looks at me
like I’m a poetry guy
signs the pandemonium
with his animated face

I please wanna hamburger
with my serviettes

lxxxvii

now a novel I begin
anew a nod up from

the chair a fish up my
black chicken raindrops

off the gates I made to
Chinatown in apple juice

it’s a promise to the
nose creeps blown

out from behind
the blue comforter

a horrible horrible
rubble rubble

an office guy
he wakens up tics

tacks on a spiritual
talcum

for the November
of the love

and his plum wish
wishes a plot outline

lxxxvi

things to do

go to Union Square
11:45pm
watch the Starlight Room sign
call 266-1492
it’s a half-moon
at the new Williams Sonoma flagship
424-8900
why do I cry
into this telephone under one star
353-3391
maybe it’s good
Wednesday
comet viewing

lxxxv

looking at the memory
of a garden starlet which is
very upset and mild

looking at the bright
bread and water butterfly
where no British-looking taxi

where no second-hand bookstore
where EVERYBODY I know
puts on one of my stars and

doesn’t read any history
because it’s bigger than the
YELLOW PAGES

lxxxiv

when he was here
expand evolve
incredibly broke
kaching
going baja
breadcrumbs
tickled into
custody
fell in lovenotes
fast imagination
weather allergies
a capital future
shoot
it’s administrative
a gloomy bitch
filthy with four
deer-heads
and a
bowling trophy
ominpresent
no fucking letters
unloved e-mails
chest hairs
roasting
coming healthy
this madly time
whip jack frosting

lxxxiii

This is my last new testament.
The cats go nuts in my room
and the most disgusting thing
is Maggie tracks mud
to my computer and back.

“A little massage in my phone is a
stunning work of sentenceography.”

I say this as I spill sugar
all over myself and my journal.
I hope I got some in the coffee.

When I woke up I thought of an
ulterior motive, gawked at who
was sitting at the window with a
Fonzie look, and then I imagined
I could be doing it in a big way.

Have you noticed that I don’t
write when I’m drunk anymore?
I have such a bad taste in my mouth
from last year.

If I die right now,
I guess I’d have to be
buried in Arkansas.
But I’d rather they just
scattered me on the street all burnt up here.

lxxxii

..you..
adidas of the modern american cuisine
you need to catch a trip
back to this happy happy hashi

..of all the people i’ve actually
..got the blue skies of

i’m sending you a text msg
at 1:07am

..yeah my addressbook is ok
..and i’ll swear it online...& even
..remove my montgomery clift
..if i hafta...

                 ? however the fuck do you
                 remember all that dish anyway ?

in my stomachment
something on the cock of
i mean character of
your underwear
..it’s all in the presentation hun

..i feel so horrible i hit on you
it was just easy effective night-time
teeth white
ning
near harvard square in the 90s
(fahrenheit)

.. i wanna dishwasher in
..love..reciprocated..already..

so let’s just fast-forward to the
organic restaurant
where i text msg u again @
whatever o’clock

            ..hi hun
            ..i’m not sayin
            ..yer not all faithful to my
            ..growed-up tummy & stuff
            ......but yer just not here

originally published in foam:e

lxxxi

this wass also day
when swee goodbye
too whereabouts
hhappns of tousled
barrs, both in Texs
and memry. 1,042
hitts nsome gy whho
parntlives or
lived nNw Orleans
got rredfor noses
f somn guise frank
assignmnent.creep
offtoo bayall
flabbergasstedso
now i’m writing
foursom Harv
dunsplit me
two night
feeln so scarred
d jealoussfourteen
later thers secxwith
firstnamererun
seeze one
Polynesianvideo
that’s notsobad
ndit had grasshpeppers
n it withlotssof
salentfeaturs
fame,finally

first published in 2nd Avenue

lxxx

midnight at the torso
I hug a novel on a
beer-soaked bedspread
like a control freak

pierced eyes e-mail
little blurbs back and
forth on the mouth of
the lips of the teeth

two for the price of
one fisticuffs
a gabbing and a lunging
of the mist and the fog

jazz that is full of
a whole new sport
forced kisses on couches
I am the fire guy

I’m too excited
you can pin me down
and almost definitely
not rush this finish


first published in foam:e

lxxix

I like watching people
and ships and images in windows
big boats and pasta for lunch

barges and sirens
an amazing site this newest
this not normal window

the people windows and lunch
are things that begin to feel
way too normal

this guy who has your name
for example an eloquently put
passion to learn passion

the sirens of the newest window
are cocoa smokestacks of skin
o boy the highlight of this movie

for lunch I feel normal
and hear a punkin sing
“I used to be a little boy”

first published in 2nd Avenue

lxxviii

None of the family got blown away.
Whereas, if I start dating again,

what does that mean?  We are
tornadoes that spend tons of

money on business ventures.
I slip my left arm over his

long tummy and instantly his
hand slides over mine. This

pyramid scheme is but a twister.
Hey, I’m not taking Prozac and

I’m doing just fine. Our thumbs
are interlocked. Anyway, it

may not be too bad. There are
new ground rules and he shudders

a few times as he drifts into
sleep. My feelings have changed.

This morning is the bluest and
everyone is talking about the weather.

I can see the ocean channel
from where I sit, and the roses

on the fire escape across the
street. Our parent company is

a big dog. And we’re supposed to
get a couple inches of snow tonight.

(first published in 2nd Avenue)

lxxvii

up on me a few nights
with little chest hairs

got some bargains like
a deft kiss with the cat watch

two rolls of film
and a cool-ass cloud

over the swirling barber stripes
a red gray and black cardigan

plus a different kind of candy
every night

2 pornos on the value scale
are then sideswiped by sunburn

everything is so accessible
on the roof

snapshot of the 2 of us
down 7 flights to the laundry

first published in 2nd Avenue

lxxvi

a bunch of arcane friends
formed a cult

I injected them with
myself who was the

primary target
then I rescheduled

12 staple removers
with a tall glass of water

a gloating airplane
frightened me

it touched St. Louis with
a horde of postcards

I grin about living
in the cusp or clutch


first published in 2nd Avenue

lxxv

peace dining terrace
on still butterflies

orange cups
of golf course

willow willow
doves whose coos

puff clouds
over jaded

giant kapok
I wonder if the

same kind of
chunked concrete

a cathedral
I loved so much

it steams mornings
like a stretched

limousine on eggs
my one room in

yourself where
when it’s quiet

you can hear me
breathe


first published in Poems for Peace, Structum Press (Tom Hibbard, editor)

lxxiv

in the little courtyard coming up
     steaming palm trees
          the most amazing squeegees

we broke up after an
     unbelievable struggle
          at the cocktail reception

and the performance by a comedian
     who pursed his lips like a disco ball
          and ate a pie on VH1

lxxiii

soberly blue Boca Raton
a panoramic Atlantic
80 degrees F

I’m drinking
two citrus peachies
with a pelican

why quarrel with the doctor
over jumbo shrimp
when you can just
pocket the raving sun

see it soar over us
(we use our lushest saucers)
at this pink resort where there’s
no need for windows

and your chauffeur has to
take a boat across the
Intercoastal Waterway

lxxii

Under far better conditions
my teeth have been melting.

I can no longer endure my mouth
or the palm trees around me.

The sirens in the wake of the fog
are so orange they are boring.

lxxi

you’ve been invaded by aliens.
in my first weeks here I had
been deceived. first you drowned
and then you came back as an
elephant. then you rubbed your
tusks all over me. furthermore
everyone around me smoked
little ivory cigars. let’s suppose
I never talk about the icepick.
let’s imagine that I get into a
routine. finally. and cuss
a lot into my mom’s pyramid
scheme. then you meekly unpack
your long glowing ears. yeah.
now the aliens have fallen in
love with me too.


first published in getunderground.com

lxx

a long time under flying saucers.
later we still got glow behind
the waterfalls. went immediately
to the French big dog #340 and
also got with its glue. there was
lots of jazz. I tasted your make-up.
pretty cool. it was nuclear.
Saturday was the best. fourteen
years we danced. and at the
Cajun restaurant I’d keep the
sweat from dripping down your
ribs. a whole lot of time in Salem.
thirty-five years of lights. it was
very loud. I proceeded to lose
my new fleece gloves and threw
a telephone up to the stars.


first published in getunderground.com

lxix

boy, what drugged out kids
the scene I always appreciated, huh?

cruise control
problem is you can find anyone you want

I didn’t have the heart to tell him
I wasn’t too keen on Starbucks

Teevee von Toast
that behind-closed-doors avant action

I bought a cheap & very loud
orange polyester pullover

with navy epaulets


first published in getunderground.com

lxviii

rejoice I worked so hard this week
even the staid birds done gone
frightened by the copters
other’n that and squabbling with
the men who fear
   Mauricio’s

let them see their music high in that
book I’ve already read     whatsit?
like lush leopards who crash against
the window that is usually just lashed
   by the puffity wind

here he is he’s from Colombia
and on a Saturday night to boot
first a couple a pelicans wanted to do coffee
’n heard Ezra slur “hath no blood o’ crimson?”
they were very studied     seemed better than
   Ross’s crew

we quite deftly spluttered
“death to such smut-mongers”
which I’ve got to factor into office politics
and the people who actually want to kiss my
   dire ass

oh to be very thin
I say this because it’s so pretty to me
even when nobody’s flirty
nowhere
ah the heartblocked life
   o’ the new kid

lxvii

come on over here
I’m gettin’ kinda hungry
and wanna eat

all I had today was biscotti on a fresh bird
did I dug it?      it was’t enough      but
yeah  like I talked and flirted

this endless part of me hasn’t
hit me yet
it’s all the cats and lions and

dogs in the south end
they’re really doin’ somethin’
and I’m not

lxvi

I lost it through my fingers

there was a time

that love will keep us

and then there was nothing

**

you measured my hand because

it plays the piano because

things turn out so good

and something started

**

on the way back we

lost power for a while

and froze

**

I watched a movie

got all emotional and

walked into the bedroom

and cried and cried

after a while you found me

and told me don’t weep

**

the trainride was 16 hours

lxv

u may not have no idea

I had plastic surgery

maybe south maybe japan

it was at a mexican restaurant

I myself will be so sad

some nice guy mostly bombay

if I lose my hopes being here

in the blink of an eye

also there are loud but funny

don’t worry in the least I am here

by the end of

lxiv

people are either sleepy or gay

a coffee pushes the right button

finds NEW BOOKS reinforce

confidence and makes me feel

no call tomorrow no Saturday night

instead I went to sex-a-lot

aimlessly I mean

remove me I can’t drink anymore of this

to get me dizzy

very happy 20 yrs

as we have had some

at a Neiman Marcus

lxiii

I was dancing at 9:30am
not flying to Florida in tercets
reading fanzines
inside my blue pants
two-three days floored
so grouchy with no
long-term mercy
did he apologize via e-mail
nope
I know this makes no sense
I’ve been wondering
why so many youths and yet
no carrot cake
I write a few letters
now it’s the point at which
I pick up the pink duster
you’d think he’d have
sent me a message by now
listening to a Russian
hummingbird over that tree
like the helicopters over the
anti-war rally last weekend
I was there
make no bones about it
it’s cloudy now and
just when he decides
that he loves me there’s
too much cigarette smoke

lxii

I’m not even sure if I spelled my state right
it’s an exciting life anyway
drinking water out of a bowl

doing a thousand things at once
which is what I like
just ask this rankled cop

I still have the little red towel
and am now celebrating 5 whole months
but I’m not even sure if I’m really here

the kitty box was cleaned inside the bathtub
I guess I know where I am
every once in a while

the shades go down
and I pop an analgesic
this incredible surge that gives me

an uncontrollable laugh
reading Amy Lowell
as the rain beats my heart

I need to get a job with creative juices
buy a new poster for the wall
I have no money

did you meet my new boyfriend
finally waking up
this time he’s blue on top

and full of compassion
quiet in the sense of a falling leaf

                        it’s time to go to the bank
                        and buy an answering machine

I live at 253 Lamartine Street
my new phone number is (617) 524-8701

lxi

sleepy reading
after dishwashing
quite a mess
Wednesday
or this is what
Thursday is
somewhere

during the movie
I had an epiphany
a dime a dozen
but couldn’t wait
anyway I’d head
tree-blown
to Boston
which is Tuesday

he wakes me up
financially as if
a dream
we’re locked
arm-in-arm
I live here
next to my cat
in the year 1997

lx

it’s nice in winter

been drivin’ what seems forever

just ask the patron saint of the internet

in defense of the car killing case

I’d like a scram slam

can you believe I’m moving to Boston

where a postal worker was released

he’s such a prick a pecan pie a hijacked truck

and a woman on trial

accused of running after a whole slice

that’s the art to bird-watching

out the glass-like window

to where I always used to pump gas

but not anymore

when I told him I was laid off

it was a one-two punch for investors

the psychiatrists worked overtime

I’m messing up

fuck this

and it’s gonna take a miracle

lix

who therefore is not agnostic
surely everyone is    drink water
look at the bay from the 28th floor
this I hope will get me out of Toledo
I just have to be smart    read poetry
schedule meeting regarding
intellectual property
to defeat love
I must be very pleasant
just admit I have the stability
sip coffee    look up time on telephone’s
LCD panel    put letter opener back
I already know him from the carrel
he’s the bartender at Rocky’s
mousepad uneven
look up at my mint-new penchant
he’s standing in front of Klamath Falls
tacked to the pegboard next to my computer
with Big Apple tack
sticky note says office space
if possible
add’l invitees
mtg goals
we also talked with a congressman
on being observant
I’m artsy
reserved
intelligent
should I go Christmas shopping
the waving of the white flag
anything to take me away

lviii

Chalk it up to experience or to
an exceptional gift for flattening things.
I’m at the Gypsy Cafe and my mind is
not my favorite song.
I wouldn’t object to a little remorse;
it’s to be downright expected but,
in fact, I’m literally weeping from a burst
of traditional matter (having parked
behind the house by the kitchen entrance –
of our old apartment on Catherine).
Everything so full of endless possibilities,
pink and cream roses splayed against
an old brick wall, snow pittering
into the recycle bins, old movies at our
noses in the slim living room, some brown birds
flying in through the open windows,
mesmeric sex in the,
soft skin of....
For revenge, I’m leaning toward
the idea of Boston.

lvii

just for the record
I’m eating tuna
over Paul Hoover
let’s write down
this message
“half a box of donuts”
I’m a complete jerk
and a total asshole
“it’s dark, you know?”
and I’m really sorry
and I guess it was all
a big shock
“no more birds today”
I just wanted you to know
that I really do
want us
to spend some time

lvi

hello dear innocent
I’ve a feeling
a little of
being in love
for me to admit
like cake
like Prozac
is both help
I agree with people
your sentiments
it’s hard for me
to admit
I drink more coffee
than things are ok
more bundt cake
more doldrums
self-deprecating
to learn all there is
in 3 or 4 weeks
and start over again
makes me better
more stable
in the moment
onions and tomatoes
a caramel apple
with nuts
I would love
to know you
in the snow
falling down
on the job
let me finish   let’s
just spend
the night
together

tomorrow night?

lv

I’m at the Clarion Hotel in Cleveland
where I’ve flexed my muscles for a bit.

You’d think I lived here.

To be more precise, I’ve been
on the phone a couple or three miles.

It’s silly to pay $60 a month just to do that.

‘You sound really hot.’ ‘Thank you for your
response to my ad.’

Omigod the food at this little restaurant is awesome!

There’s a lonely dove sitting on a branch,
and my hot bread,
was baked in a flower pot.

liv

There was the fact that he
had been disengaged. That
he was in love with
someone else.
That the laundry was on.
That I hadn’t written any of this.
That the vacation
had just whizzed by. That I was
out of breath from six flights.

This is not a justification of any
kind. It’s been nice, all in all.
I’ve just sort of grown to
accept it.

Clouds deepening, a quiet
I’m not used to. Clothes
into the dryer. I tried calling
the number at 1110 N. Monroe
and it had been disconnected.
Humidity unbelievable.

Now I bet he was right,
although I am a bit curious.
According to what I’ve heard,
he’d been talking about splitting.

A pink box sits on the
third shelf up from
the bottom. Underneath
the pajamas. I wonder
what’s in it, though I
already know; I know
what an experiment this
life can be.

liii

It’s a dreary day in Arkansas

after the swapmeet

a motorcycle bangs

into the birds’ coffee

at Creekmore Park

I’m settling into

soup from Quetzal

clouds I drove

the night with

olive trees all day

Saturday and

sleepy Charleston

the catty cat’s

napping on a tartan

out the bay windows

a chalk-shot spire

yep that cloudy

the curtains sashay

suggesting exhalations

into the melancholy courtyard

I want a productive

yet relaxful accent

I sure don’t feel like writing

but having my

face hairs trimmed

my love concurs

until I’m spruced

lii

He slept over a second time
my place my new bed
then sitting at McDonald’s
waiting for lunch

I got up at eleven
let him sleep and made coffee
haven’t even got to play
because I’m working so hard

I crack the blinds
soak in blue
last night I talked for $125
they are so nice

my new Pentium computer
I built until 10pm
we got out of the movie
and talked about Miss Universe

where the birds are this
beautiful day I do not know
I am so broke
and unbelievably stable

li

during a seminar on the
internet last night these thick
voiceboxes or whomever
were incredibly close to smoking
the cigarette of my lead-laden love
I thought I was in Cleveland
but the plaid-shirted man said
“endanger your success!”
this big news for another day
is just what I wanted
I assemble church bells
and bang them just about to
within the dim fullness
of the moon’s breath
yesterday he exhaled into my
ears and basically said that
I’m not meeting any of the
goals and objectives
that had been laid for me
so I open the booklet of shame
and spew any confidence
that I can perform into the
bell-ridden night
look at the pink bay grow
indigo under the bluer bridge
that’s starting to sparkle
so okay I’m a scapegoat
I have to ride out this rodeo
but it’s time for me to live
this could just be
the shot in the arm
that I never...

l

The dustbunnies are
chasing the cat around
underneath the table.

I recruit
a pink quilted towel
and a Windex bottle.

He calls a few minutes later
and then
blows up

under the
green mattress
with all of the animals.

I’m a little spooked
(down below I’m
damned frustrated).

Yesterday
at the office
my mug full of pens

moved from one side of my desk
to the
other side of my desk.

Very expressive.
Like they had some place
important to go.